Poop, Paxil, and Pageantry

Penis juice and vodka

2011-05-27T07:21:00.002-05:00

We have one more week of school here, yet my children have already disconnected the brain switch. I hate to tell them but we will home school throughout the summer. Luckily for them we can get our work done in less then two hours with only three kids and of course the fact that I sneak projects in throughout our everyday activities.

Ethan decided he is exempt from the school dress ode because school is almost out and the daughter has jumped on that band wagon. I decided to let it slide. I figure a cute little t-shirt isn't going to ruin any one's grades, they were all turned in on the 24Th, so we will see if I get a call from the school.

So today's little golden nugget of delight is brought to you by Ethan.

Mom:Ethan, quit messing with your business. Go to your room if you want to do that.

Ethan: I am not messing with it, it hurts. It feels like I am going to bleed when I pee.

Mom: Oh honey, I am sorry but you will have to go to your Dad. He is in charge of penises. I handle vaginas.

Later Clint and I figure out the kid might have the beginning of a urinary tract infection so we loaded hm up with cranberry juice and extra fruits, veggies, and vitamin C. It seemed to have worked.

Aunt Kimberly: Ethan, you like to drink cranberry juice?

Ethan: UNH?

Aunt Kimberly: You are drinking cranberry juice. Do you like it?

Ethan: It is my penis juice.

That makes my day better. I may just go have a penis juice and vodka to celebrate Friday. HAHAHAHAHAHA That sounds all kinds of wrong.

And I thought I should Change the Title of My Blog

2011-04-03T18:33:00.002-05:00

I was considering a new layout, a new title, well just an overall new feel to my blog. I mean some things have changed since I first started recording my thoughts and feelings of the going ons in my everyday life.

Well, I am no longer taking Paxil and well, crap.....I think that is it. I thought the poop was really no longer an issue as well until this week.

Someone decided that an oopsie poopsie was not something they might share with their mother. You know the lady who does the laundry. I was blessed with the joy, upon removing clean clothes form the laundry, an overwhelming smell of shit. Yep, SHIT!!!! I had almost all the clothes in the dryer and noticed a wad, a ball, a massive roll of poop.

Apparently someone had pooped enough in their underwear and then just snuck it into the dirty laundry. GROSS!!!! I mean really?!?!?!? You don't think you might have at least given me a heads up so that I could pre-clean the undies. Man, boys are so gross!

The Verdict is In

2011-03-28T08:00:00.001-05:00

“Mirror, mirror on the wall, I am my mother after all.” While growing up, I had a bit of knack and flare for the dramatics. I often feigned illness to keep from having to do things I did not want to do or to merely miss school because I did not feel like going. My mother quickly caught on to my game and after a bought of “asthma” Mom rushed me to the ER because I was certain I could not breath and was going to die. On the way to the hospital my mother threatened me with near death beatings should by some chance the doctor not find something wrong with me. Well, low and behold, there was nothing wrong with me. Thankfully, my darling mother chose to not follow through this time with what I was sure was going to be one of the worst beatings of all time. I do not remember to this day if I was ever punished but the fear still remains.
On the way to taking little miss Emily to the doctor; I too began the Mommy rant. She was suddenly unable to hear us, but only part of the time, she was not running a fever, and she seemed perfectly capable of playing with her siblings. So, the threats began. I did not threaten her with beatings but I did tell her she better damn well hope the doctor found something wrong with her or she would spend the next week on restriction from anything and everything other than her books. Those would be her only companions and her only means of entertainment. Well, damn I ended up with egg on my face.
The doctor looked in the first ear and seemed to be taken aback a bit and explained how Emily’s ear was bulging and was full of pus. This of course wasn’t even the ear that she complained had been hurting. Oh shit. I am about to have to eat my words and apologize to my eight year old for not believing her. The doctor checked the other ear and it was more of the same, maybe worse. When the doctor left the room to get a prescription for Emily, my darling daughter turned to me and said “I am so glad I have ear infections, now I won’t be on restriction”. Hmmmmmmmm, I am not certain, but I feel pretty confident that was an extremely low day in my parenting.
Needless to say, the girl child is not on restriction and she has been on antibiotics for several days now and is doing much better.

Oh Those Chickens

2011-03-22T08:49:00.002-05:00

When I was a young girl, I was always suffering from some "ailment". I am pretty sure it was for attention. Of course the attention was often a spanking for being such a giant pain in the ass and after a trip to the doctor, the diagnosis was an attention whore.

Well I'll be damned, my chickens are coming home to roost. They are coming home, pecking me in my ass, and then shitting on my head.

Emily has a doctors appointment thia morning because she is certain that she cannot hear. I believe that her eras are clogged, but not that she is permantly going deaf.

Dear god help me if she is because that will mean I actually have to get up off my ass wen I need her for something and can not just yell for her. UGH!!! This could be problematic either way.

If my Mom were still alive, I am certain she would be attending all htese appointments with me just for the sheer joy of pointing and laughing at me. I mean really, if it wasn;t happening to me, I too would be pointing and laughing.

Some things are just so much funnier when they happen to other people.

For Real?!?!?!

2011-03-21T18:08:00.002-05:00

So, I am chatting away with my cousin and Ethan decides he is going to interrupt. I pull out the Mom finger which he knows means "you are being a rude ass, wait until I am done talking". He follows the law of the Mom finger and stands there waiting for me to finish pontificating.

When I finally finish, I turn to my youngest son, my baby, my little love man, my bubby and the little turd looks at me completely exasperated and says "Well, you talk so much I forgot what I was going to say!"

Ahhhhhhh, out of the mouths of babes...smart ass babes, babes who need to be banished to the land of "No making fun of Mommy, even if you do not realize you are".

Loving the Internet

2011-03-21T10:35:00.002-05:00

So I am in love with my Facebook, which may be one of the reasons I have a hard time keeping up with my blog anymore. Well anyways, there is some ladies I found on Facebook, Frugal Girls, They also have their own website that I think everyone who shops, breaths, or lives....uhm pretty much everyone should bookmark. It does have mostly things for the ladies, but there is dude stuff too. AWESOME!!!!

So these Frugal Girls turned me onto another really great website that I want to recommend and I am not a big recommender. It is called Vocalpoint. Check it out.

I Didn't Mean to Drop the F@#k Bomb

2011-02-16T13:08:00.003-06:00

Oh what a weekend. Steven managed to break his DS that he received for Christmas. What is that, less than two months? Are you kidding me? He was mad at the game and pretty much beat the screen with the stylus. He then tried to lie and say he dropped. Lucky for me his Daddy is video game savvy. I would have fallen for his sob story hook line a sinker.

I did tell him that we were not buying him a new one. He would have to save his money. Of course the water works started again. His sweet brother and sister offered up all their saved money to help him buy a new one. He immediately started adding up the dough. No thank you to his siblings. I told him how nice it was of them and he should thank them. He did but it was so not a genuine thanks you. I could feel my blood boiling.

He then admitted he would not do the same for them. STRIKE TWO...butt head!!!

Oh and then later I he had a fit because Emily and Ethan had games to play and he didn't.

OH HELL NO!!!!

So out it came. I had no control. There was a complete disconnect when I yelled "What the F#$K are you thinking? You are acting like a F$%KING brat. I mean really!!!!! What the F$%K?!?!?!?!

Of course after that I felt horrible. I cried, certain he was going to be scarred for life. How much was this F bomb slip going to cost me later in therapy bills? Well I think he got the message. He apologized later to me for being "ungrateful" and spent the rest of the evening acting extra nice to his siblings.

So to you F word, I say DAMN YOU. Damn you F word for coming out without my permission and damn you for never leaving my vocabulary after the kiddos were born. Will you ever find a new home?

Doubt it?!?!?! I know, me too!!!!

A Lump in Her Throat

2011-02-08T08:29:00.002-06:00

Really?!?!?! You have got to be kidding me. My three hundred dollar, shelter cat who is still having to go for monthly vet visits has a knot in her throat. Man, I love this cat but how much more does she have to go through? Now she won't eat and there is a damn knot in her neck. UGH!!!!!!!!!!

I just want to love my kitty, Dammit.

Stuck Poop

2011-02-01T08:39:00.002-06:00

One of my nephews recently had a serious scare after we found out that at the age of 15 he had spent the majority of his life only pooping once or twice a week. He got very sick and has to completely change much of his eating habits. This of course freaked me out, so I have spent the last few weeks grilling my kids about their poop. HAHAHAHAHA I bet they are loving it. Of course every time they come out of the bathroom I have been asking "did you poop". I just want to know to be sure that all this fruit I shove down their throats is really working. Well, yesterday I asked Ethan " Did you poop?" He responded honestly "yes, but there is a piece stuck in my butt." It took all I had not to laugh because then he will never tell me anything again for fear I might make fun of him. Man, being a parent is hard. You cant just laugh at these little monkeys all the time because they have feelings and stuff.

Racially Charged Post...Just Sayin'

2011-01-30T18:41:00.004-06:00

I love me some Asian folks. I really find their culture fascinating. Thai, Chinese, Vietnamese, Japanese....I love the food. Oh and I love how much they love our culture.

Our family was honored to ride a mule drawn wagon in the Steer Herding through the streets of downtown San Antonio. Pretty sure the kids and I were famous by the end of the parade. Well, we at least felt like we were famous.

Okay, so I digress. While the wagons were hooking up and loading up, a lovely Asian couple (obviously tourists from another country) were walking through the staging grounds. Not only could they not stop smiling but they were so friendly and just down right thrilled by the happenings around them.

The people in the staging area were all dressed in what was authentic 1800s cowboy outfits, civil war uniforms, Native American dress (I wouldn't say costumes because they are so much more then that), and just modern day cowboy garb. Well that Asian couple loved every minute of it and the cowboys and cowgirls were thrilled to show them around and answer their questions.

The greatest part about this couple was how they actually walked along the entire parade route and never seemed to tire of the westerness of it all.

I am certain if I were lucky enough to attend a wonderful celebration in their country I would be equally enamored by the difference in the culture and the excitement.

What's a Little Choking Between Friends?

2011-01-26T16:27:00.003-06:00

My friend Liz called me today. She was a tad concerned because her son got in trouble at school for choking another little boy from his kindergarten class while they were in the bathroom. She was unsure of all the circumstances, but I happened to be experienced in the choking field.

Ethan has gotten in trouble twice in the last week or so for pretending to choke his brother. I may have to take blame for this situation because sometimes I will tell them "you are driving me crazy, come here and let me choke you" Of course that is followed by me pretending to choke my children. God, now that I am typing this I should maybe tell them that discussing that kind of playing around at school is not a good idea. We may end up with a situation like Liz is in or as I sit here and imagine...."My Mom likes to choke me if I am bothering her" LMAO.....oh my goodness. I can just see a visit from child protective services in my future.

Okay, so back to Liz. She was a little worked up and was concerned that Gavin may have done it to protect himself from the other boy. So what was my advice...

Well, I suggested she first find out exactly what the circumstances were. I can not even tell you how many times a little poke has escalated between my children into an all out brawl. One child pokes, the other pokes back, then a push, then a push back....well we can all see where this is leading. I am guessing her son is not a serial choker or anything nearly as nefarious. He may just be playing in the bathroom a bit rambunctiously with his little friend. HE is a sweet boy, but I bet he can be pretty tough when he is playing...most kids have that amazing talent. You know, the strength of a retarded chimp.

Really You are Going to Sue?

2011-01-25T07:16:00.002-06:00

So this woman at the mall was busy texting on her phone and ended up falling in the fountain. Hello dumb ass?!?!?! I am pretty sure that is your fault. I heard on the news however that she intends on suing the mall. Are you frigging kidding me. What an idiot. Just own your stupidity and make the best of it.

Good Morning America just said that two people in New York were killed because they were texting. Really?!?!?! I mean people really?!?!?! How retarded do you have to be to not realize that if you are not paying attention you become a target and can have an accident. I just wonder how much more legislation will be necessary because of peoples' lack of common sense. UGH!!!!!!

Sibling Violence

2011-01-24T08:22:00.003-06:00

Most people I have spoken with seem to think that "boys will be boys" and sibling violence is totally normal. My husband doesn't seem to be disturbed, but the pretend choking really makes me nervous. Am I going to have to try Dr. Phil again? I mean, I know he did not write me back years ago when Steven became the shit Picasso. At that time I was sure this was a sign that hes was going to be a serial killer. Now, I have Ethan who solves his problems by "pretend" choking his brother. I am pretty sure this is my fault because I pretend to choke them ALL the time. I hate when they copy my behavior and then I find it disturbing. SHIT!!! This parenting gig is kind of hard.

Pesky Socks

2011-01-19T15:55:00.002-06:00

We have all heard the mysteries of the missing socks at the end of laundry day. You start doing laundry with ALL the dirty clothes and as you begin to sort and fold, you find socks are missing. No one knows where they go to or if they will ever return.

I am however certain no one has heard of the yard that eats socks. Apparently that is my yard.

The children all head out to the trampoline to burn off some after school energy (which is an entirely different story). The three of them are fully clothed with both shoes and socks. When they return, forty-five minutes later, there is a sock missing. They claim to have looked everywhere for it. Of course that in and of itself is a lie when it comes out of a child. They always say they have looked "everywhere" when in reality they opened the door, looked out, didn't immediately see it, therefore it is lost.

I wonder if I should consider buying stock in a sock company. Much like death and taxes......we will always be buying new socks.

I'm Writing Again and Here are Some Guidelines

2011-01-17T19:05:00.005-06:00

So I was looking back throughout the history of my blog and realized how much it really helped keep me focused, keep things in perspective, and was a true stress reliever. This realization has made led me to the decision to give this baby a more concentrated effort. I am almost certain I will not be merely as funny, but the kids might be. The potty humor might be gone since I no longer see the crap of three other human beings on a regular basis, but the other things they do now can be amusing, frustrating, but mostly just down right hilarious.

I doubt at this point anyone even reads my blog anymore since I only posted once in a blue moon, but I feel it is necessary to include this warning before I get started again.

Important facts to know before reading this blog

I cuss. Sometimes I cuss a lot. Sometimes I say offensive things. If you find this offensive, don't read my blog.
I am full of opinions. They are my opinions and are in no way endorsed by anyone. You do not have to agree with me, you do not have to read my blog, and if you leave me some shitty mean-ass comment I will probably delete it. This is my blog and I can do what I want to.
Some days I will be happy, some days I will be mad, some days I will be sad. I am a human being and my moods, life events, and opinions can change just as quickly as the Texas weather. This is my blog, I can do what I want to.
If you are related and do not like me talking about you by name, that is understandable. You are more then welcome to shoot me an email and I will assign you an alias, but come on who are we kidding, we will know. I will also express my opinions. You may not like them. If you are sensitive and are do not like to read what I say, then do not read my blog. Do not come here and read what I write just to get yourself all worked up or to prove you have a reason to hate me and think I am mean. This is my blog, these are my opinions, and I will probably type anything and everything I feel like typing with little regard to others because I do not expect it to be read. If you do find it, read it, and don't like it....well don't read it. This is my blog.

Perspective

2010-08-08T10:23:00.002-05:00

This week made me realize I am so blessed. I watched my 85 year old Grandmother skydive, I floated the river with my husband, kids, and my dear friend Melanie, and I spent hours listening to children laugh and laugh. My life is good. It is full of love, joy, and stability. I wonder what those others have..... It seems they have a lot of drama and misery. Well, I want no part of that and I refuse to feed into their need for a fix.

I am happy and I am no longer going to let that be overshadowed by their pettiness, immaturity, and lack of emotional stability. I think the reason they can not keep a happy relationship or even friendships might be a sign as to their problems....NOT MINE.

Their issues are NOT MINE.

Their misery is NOT MINE.

Thank goodness!!!!!

A good ol' fight with the neighbors

2010-07-24T21:48:00.002-05:00

We had been having a hell of a time with the neighbors. They have a little dog, with a little dog bark and they would just leave that little fucker out for hours. One night that thing barked for over 5 hours straight. I had gone to their door a million times, okay well not a million, but a lot. There was never an answer. Finally, I had to call the cops. The cops could not get anyone either. After about a week, I finally caught someone home and said something. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh a quiet dog.

A few days later, it started again and again I could get no one to come to the door. I decided to call the cops again. This time they made contact and the barking stopped. Needless to say our "relationship" was not off to a good start.

Then the other day, the lady's daughter parked blocking our driveway, which pissed me off. I went down and politely explained to them that if my husband got called out he would not be able to get out of the driveway. Well, apparently it pissed the lady off. After I was back in the house, she stood their bitching about it and then proceeded to kick some leave that had gone into her yard back into our yard.

I got crazy mad and flew down the stairs and out the door. She and I began a yelling match after having kicked some leaves back and forth at each other. Of course our argument was not very productive considering she speaks Spanish and I speak English. Luckily her daughter came and translated. Turned out she thought I was being petty calling the cops because she did not know I had been trying to contact them and called the cops as a last resort. The altercation ended in apologies and a fresh start.

I am pretty sure we looked amazingly stupid, two grown ass women out in the yard kicking leaves at each other and yelling at each other in languages neither of understood.

You are crazy and it is just sad

2010-07-21T10:07:00.002-05:00

I am not sure what is wrong with you. You seemed like a really nice person, you were always cheerful and always so kind. Then I guess hiding the true you become to much.

You do nothing but create drama every where you go. I want a divorce, I want to get back together, I want a divorce, I want to get back together. Not only are you mind fucking the man you say you love, but you are tormenting your own children. Every time you say you want to reconcile those little girls are so thrilled to have family time again and then you just pull the rug out from under them.

Maybe you are too self involved, too busy blaming others for YOUR problems, too busy in this sick passive aggressive, controlling relationship you have with your mother, but I see it. I see the hurt in the girls. They tell me they do not want to go to your mother's house. the house you choose to live in. The house you swore was so emotionally abusive when you were a child and so manipulative and now you put those girls right back where you were. Look how it screwed you up, your words not mine. You are putting your whims and your weaknesses before your children.

It is sad when they tell me their hurts and their disappointments. I hope you are proud of what a great mother you are. I am by no means perfect. As I right this this, I sit here with my own internal struggle. I struggle to clean out all the drama you and your "friend" (I use quotes, because you claim you are not friends but I know of no one that exercises with someone, goes out to eat with someone, house sits for someone, and is not their friend...again you lie) have dropped in my lap.

You know what I see, I see that I can recognize my hurts and my faults. I consciously work on improving myself and being a better human being. I focus my life on the positive and when people like you try to fill my my mind with negative, I am taken for a time, but then I will step back and see just how sick you are. You need help and you will not be a part of my life or welcome in my home until you have been through therapy and you see how poisonous your actions are and how many people you have hurt.

My Little Redneck

2010-07-20T13:12:00.002-05:00

We have spent a lot of time trying to instill in our kids the value of money. It is a difficult concept for young kids to grasp. However, I think they have gotten down pretty well. While visiting the in laws, we went to a Great-Aunt's house for her yard sale and all my kids kept asking "what's the price with a family discount?" My favorite part is the sleeveless muscle shirt my youngest bought. He was certain he had not only gotten a good deal, but he was certain he was going to not only be able to keep cool when it gets too hot but also "look cool". Man, These kids............

By the light of day

2010-07-18T13:14:00.002-05:00

Today, the feelings still linger, but I have realized a few things.

I am a good friend. I will do anything someone asks of me as long as it causes no harm or hardship to my husband and my children. I am a good mother. I educate them, I feed them, I clean them, I dress them, I play with them, and most of all....I LOVE THEM. I am a good person and though it may take awhile to counteract all the negative things that have been thrown at me, I WILL!!!

I will be stronger than your hate, I will be stronger than your drama, and at the end of the day, I will walk with my head held high. I have a husband who loves me, children who love me, and friends who prove to me you and all your words are nothing but your own problems. I will be happy and surrounded by love and joy. What will you have? Where will you be?

I will move past these hurt feelings. It may take a week, it may take a month, but I will only be stronger because I was able to take those things you have said and done and used them to make myself better. I will be better to my friends because I will not want them to feel the way you made me feel. I will be better to my children, my husband, and my family because I will never want them to feel the way you made me feel.

All your hate, hurt, and drama will only make me stronger and today is the day that I stop letting you in.

Overwhelmed

2010-07-17T20:45:00.002-05:00

I am usually not one to sit and type "real" stuff, you know my deep feelings,but if I do not get this out I may explode. Shit, I may explode anyway.

I spend day in and day out wondering if anyone would really notice if I was gone. I have one sister in law who does not speak to me and another who has joined that club. The new member thinks I have some how convinced my brother to divorce her, when she is the one who asked for a divorce. I spent a good deal of time telling my brother I thought he should try harder and I thought he should look at things from a different perspective, but fuck if I am now somehow in shit again. I removed myself from that situation and another that seemed to be too much drama and still it seems to find me.

I feel like nothing I do is good enough. Not for anyone. I am not a good enough friend, I am not a good enough mother, wife, aunt, sister, sister-in-law, student.......well I guess my point has been made. I am struggling everyday. I come hide in my room and cry and sit here wondering what's next. when will other peoples' shit quit hurting me. I wipe away the tears and head back into the game. I try to pretend I feel fine and that everything is good. I try to pretend that I am happy and I am fun, but on the inside I am feeling worthless and beat down. When will people realize that despite the smile I am hurt. I am hurt by the things you say and the things you do. I try so hard to make everyone happy but feel like I cannot make anyone happy.

Most people look at me like the funny cheerful girl and I try my hardest to keep that mask on when people are around, but it seems to be getting harder and harder.

I wish for those I love to find happiness everyday yet despite all the happiness in my life that I share with my children and my husband, I feel others sucking the joy out of my life. I do not know how to make it stop. I have stepped away. I have quit taking calls, but they still seem to seep in. They still seem to take my actions and my words and twist and misconstrue them.

I know this moment of despair will pass. I know I will feel better in awhile. I will put my smiley face back on and I will get my head back in the game of life, but right now I just sit here and cry. Maybe that is all I need, a really good cry. I need time to process all the hateful things that were said to me. I need to process the loss of a friendship. I need to process all the fear I have been hiding about my darling friend who has breast cancer; the fear that I will have to watch her die just like I did my mom. I have to process all these feelings and the ones that I hide even from myself. Some that I just can't even bring myself to type. Those that I hide deep inside. I just feel so overwhelmed and so tired. I just wish everyone would be nice, happy, and get along. I wish the madness would stop and the joy and laughter would return.

I hurt and I sit here alone with my hurt. I try to tell my husband how I feel but then the guilt creeps in. Who I am I to complain. I am a stay at home mom and he has to go to work. I feel guilty for saying I am tired. I feel guilty for saying that raising kids, cleaning house, doing laundry, keeping good grades, being a good wife, helping those I love, being kind to those who are not, and well just life in general seems to have gotten to be more than I think I can handle. I feel like I am unable to make anyone happy. I miss my family, I miss my sister in laws. I just want this day to be done.

Out of the mouth of a smart ass babe

2010-07-16T16:16:00.002-05:00

The kids have some chores that they are responsible for. Nothing hard, I mean they are only 6 and 7. They are just enough to teach them some responsibility. They empty wastebaskets, take dirty laundry to the laundry room, and unload the dishwasher.

conversation with Steven (7 year old)

Steven: I don't want tooooooooooooooooooo (imagine a really whiney tone)

Me:
get down stairs and just do it. oh and STOP the friggin' whining business

Steven: I finished everything but the stuff I couldn't reach or the things I did know where to put them

Me: Good job honey. (reaching out, holding his hand and walking down the stairs) well, sweetie, I will help you with the rest.

Steven: I guess you shouldn't send a little person to do a big person's job

Are you friggin' kidding me? I was about to choke him out and then kick him down the stairs. Okay not really but uhm isn't it a little early to start with that smart ass business already. I guess am getting what I give....better teach him when and where they is appropriate.....NEVER with me if you plan to live.

It feels so good

2010-07-11T19:53:00.003-05:00

I can't even explain fully how good I have felt the last few days with friends around me who are so positive and do not constantly LOOK for the bad in life. It is so nice to not have to listen to people's faults ad nauseum.

I have had a great time and a chance to clear my mind and refocus on all those things in my life that truly deserve to be priorities. The kids have been back to reading, I have all their summer school work organized and ready. Oh, I even did a bunch of ab exercises this morning and enjoyed it.

I am telling you, it is the greatest thing to just get people out of your life that bring nothing but drama and really do not love you or care about you in the way you deserve.

What was that damn saying Stewart Smally from SNL had? "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and dog-gone-it, people like me."

Goodbye Crazies

2010-07-06T19:18:00.003-05:00

I made a conscious decision to remove those people from my life who either bring mostly drama to the table or those who are only able to emotionally take. I thought for awhile that it was me who might have the issue and then I saw it. I saw that some people think they are being a good friend but just are unable to put themselves in the shoes of others unless it benefits them, a true narcissist. The great thing about it, I have so much time to focus on my family and those friends that see more in the world then just themselves.

Beware of the people who claim to always be the victim, say they do nothing but give, and find fault with every relationship in their lives. I was amazed that not one relationship was satisfying, not one person was free from their wrath and their criticism, and not one person has ever been free of the inevitable confrontation.

It was exhausting to be on that type of roller coaster ride. I decided to get off. I will always cherish the special moments and the kindness shown to my children. It was not always bad, but sadly it is time to do what is not only best for me, but also my husband and my family in general. It was always hard to work on relationships with people my husband, who is one of my greatest priorities and my dearest friend, did not only find annoying but really would rather not even have them around our family.

I know my choice will not be easy. These people will always hold a special place in my heart and I will be grateful for the friendship we had, but it is now time to move on. I wish nothing but the best for them and hope that life brings them all they hope for.

Shit, He's Probably Going to Die

2010-06-22T17:08:00.002-05:00

Blog, you have known me for a long time and I am certain you realize how my mind works. First I must google and find every bit of information I can about whatever ails either me or someone I know. Then at that point I work backwards from worst case scenario. I wonder if that is my way of coping. Because when I find out the person is going to live and it was just a splinter, I am so happy. I mean I am really thrilled that everything is alright, but before that I have convinced myself that the person is doomed and often am already planning what I will wear to the funeral in my head. Blog, I know I am weird and well, I like my weird and I am going to go ahead and stick with it.

This is a Drama Free Zone

2010-06-22T10:59:00.002-05:00

I am back to my old friend the blog. Blog doesn't judge me, blog doesn't lie to me, blog doesn't betray me, and most of all blog is really a good listener.

So blog, remember along time ago when I had some troubles with a very dear friend and my sister-in-law? Well here we go again....different sister-in-law. This sister-in-law reminds me of that girl Kelly on that show The Housewives of New York, not like the other one who is a frigging genius (which I can honestly say after taking this Business Law course......Greek, it was mostly Greek to me). There is a divorce going and in an effort to stay out of the drama when things really went south, I removed myself from any contact with the girl, let's call her Jill.

Well, Jill just kept popping up and for the love of God, I am 36 years old and would prefer to get all my drama from T.V. Needless to say, I expressed to my friend, we will call her Sharon, the fact that I hated the fact that Jill seemed to find a way to put herself in my life. Of course Sharon does Jill's hair and Jill house sits for Sharon so it was a little tricky. I did not ask Sharon to drop Jill as a client but to please be sure that neither my brother or I became a topic of conversation. I did also explain that I would like to keep Jill out of my life socially.

Well, Sharon decided one night to go to dinner with Jill and could not understand why I was upset. Sharon doesn't even really know Jill but still chose to start a social relationship with her, despite the fact that she is divorcing my brother. SO after some words were said Sharon and I came to an understanding. I am stupid, ridiculous, and should be ashamed of myself for expecting her to remain loyal to my family, after being friends for almost eight years. I did not ask her to choose between us because I felt there was no choice to be made. I assumed that Sharon would never in a million years begin a social relationship with Jill because Sharon was a member of my family and knew how toxic Jill's presence had become. Jill had said some pretty harsh things and done some pretty mean things, all of which happens in a divorce. I by no means think my brother is innocent or has zero blame for the situation, but at this point I felt it best to circle the wagons and remove as mush negativity from my life as possible. I had hoped to avoid any shrapnel in the process. I was sure when things had settled down after the divorce that there would be a chance to reassess the situation. Unfortunately, I could not get that point across to Sharon. She just couldn't hear me or had already made up her mind about the situation and was unwilling or unable to see it from any other perspective. I have to admit, I think it may be possible the friendship had run its course because for the last year or so things always seemed forced or uncomfortable...I am not sure if either of those is the right word, but something just seemed off.

I am thankful for the wonderful times I had with both Sharon and Jill. They can both be very lovely people and I wish nothing but love joy and happiness for them.

The thing I find the most intriguing is the difference between the two sister-in-law and friend situations. Last time I was devastated. I felt so lost and so broken. I wanted nothing more then to fix the situation. In this situation, I feel it was inevitable. My husband did not like Sharon or Jill, Jill is divorcing my brother, and well Sharon, though she would never deliberately hurt me, she was unwilling or unable....I am not sure which....to put herself in my shoes and see why I needed to remove the Drama that came with Jill from my life. I just want to be happy and enjoy my friends, family, and my life.

Well, it is what it is.

Eureka!!!

2009-11-04T14:37:00.002-06:00

I spent all Saturday and Sunday sifting through poop looking for a watch battery. Thank God for apple juice and Cheerios. Made my job a hell of a lot easier sifting through soft poop, versus the deer pellets the girl usually produces. I call that a successful weekend.

Today was dentist day and the twins are still cavity free and now have the sealants on their side. Whoohoo. I love me some sealants. Those sealants protected my mouth from cavities for many mnay years.

I love going to the emergency room

2009-10-31T08:22:00.003-05:00

Obviously that is full of sarcasm! Last night, Clint and I spent the evening in the ER with Emily the new found battery swallower. Yes, I do realize she is six and yes I do realize that I also just had to take Ethan to an ENT to have a pebble removed from his ear. Sometimes I wonder if going off that Paxil a few years back was a good idea.

Emily swallowed a watch battery after which Clint called the Poison Control Center and I called quickly began my internet search. We both came to the same conclusion. We needed to get Emily an x-ray and we need to do it quickly. The kids all loaded up and the boys are lucky enough to have a fabulous Nana and Grandad that kept them while we sat for a few hours at the ER. After a few x-rays, we discovered the battery was already in the stomach so all we could do is wait for it to pass. The doctors want us to go back up today for another x-ray to see where the battery is, but in the meantime, I am on poop duty. I was pretty sure once they all had learned to wipe their own asses I would no longer have to deal with shit. Boy, was I wrong. Off to poop duty I go.

Teaching the kids about an honest dollar

2009-10-30T17:50:00.004-05:00

Our little people earn one dollar every Friday if they have met certain criteria.

All smiley faces in folder from school
Done chores during the week
Have behaved at home all week

I realize that they are only 6 (the twins) and 5, but I think if we start teaching them the importance of responsibility and the value of money at an early age, we will be laying a firm foundation for them in the future.

Well, they have been saving their money and today was the day to spend it. The boys pulled their money in an effort to save enough to buy a video game at Gamestop. They actually spent the last ten weeks saving and managed to save over 24 dollars from their allowance, tooth money, and extra earnings. This allowed them to buy two video games and pay the tax. They are some badass lil savers unh?

Emily started off pulling with the boys and then decided she was not interested in video games, she wanted a barbie. After shopping at wal-mart, she ended up with a littlest pet shop stuffed animal (more on that piece of shit deal in a sec) that after tax was a bit out of her price range. In order to still get her doll, she had to do some extra work when she got home. She came home and got a shopping bag and pulled weeds from the rocks in front of the house. She is such a hard worker. I really am so proud.

Okay, so Emily gets this littlest pet shop doll because it is supposed to come with a code so you can go to http://www.lpso.com/ and play. Well when we get home and log on to the website, the mother friggin' bleepity bleeps require a PAID bleepity bleep bleep subscription that can be in the price range og 6 bucks a month to 60 bucks a year. Friggin' jerk ass mother bleepity bleeps. She is now crying and all kinds of broken friggin' hearted because these dumb ass bleepity bleeps cannot be content with the money they make off of the mass amount of toy sales, they have to charge to play at the website as well. I am so mad and sad for her. I bought another doll to give to her at Christmas and guess what.....I AM TAKING THAT SHIT BACK. I also plan to discourage her in the future from spending anymore money on that brand of stuff. I will try to get her to focus her attention on other things. That is such a huge pile of BULLSHIT!!!!!!!

Well, they bought their stuff and then when we got home they had to give Mom the money that was on the receipt out of their money jars; $24.88 and $10.43. This way they understand the fact that these things cost money and that money requires both time and hard work. After they give me their money I actually deposit it into their savings accounts. I think when they get older and realize all of their allowance actually went into the bank and they have learned the lesson of saving to buy something they want and working hard to earn that money....all of our hard work will pay off in raising children with mature, responsible money skills.

"Is the doctor handsome?"

2009-10-29T07:37:00.003-05:00

After Ethan's pediatrician discovered something in his ear and was unable to get it out, we were on our way to a pediatric ent. The conversation with Ethan on the way made that copay worth its weight in gold.

Ethan "Is the doctor handsome?"

Mom " I don't know. I have not met this doctor yet"

Ethan "Well, I really only like people that are pretty and handsome."

Man, what a jerk.

I think we found it!

2009-10-27T07:13:00.003-05:00

We put in an offer yesterday on a house and holoy shit they accepted our first offer. The house pretty much has everything we wanted in a house. Uhm yep, I can hardley believe it.

Isn't it so cute. I now feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

Of course, with that good news, came the news that Ethan has strep throat and has to miss two more days of school. Good Grief! Poor baby!

House Hunting has Lost Its Luster

2009-10-25T20:21:00.002-05:00

This house hunting thing was fun last month and well now this month it is not fun anymore. I pretty much just want to buy a house and move just to get this process over with. We have looked at nearly 60 houses and have searched through hundreds and hundreds on the internet. I need a full time assitant to just find me houses, know my criteria, and well just get to hunting ALL over the city. What is my criteria? Well............
1. An expensive neighborhood that I can not afford
2. A hous ethat I can afford
4. A big backyard for the kids
5. A nice covered deck or back patio big enough for my adorable outdoor livingroom set
6. 3 or 4 bedrooms, prefer 4 but 3 with a loft will do
7. A large pantry
8. A formal dining room and an eat in kitchen
9. A kitchen big enough for Clint to get some serious cooking on
10. An island with a bar
11. A linen closet that could actually hold ALL my linens
12. A two car garage (oh with a garge door opener)
13. A utility room
14. Oh, did I mention for a reasonable price and in a GREAT neighborhood?

I really do not think I am asking too much and would like to go ahead and find the right one, have the offer accepted, pass inspection, and close all before the end of November!!!!!

Okay NOW!!!

Is it just Boys?

2009-10-21T06:28:00.002-05:00

I am doing my rounds, waking up the children at friggin' o'dark thirty in the morning. Emily, my normal little ray of sunshine wakes up well to kisses, Ethan is confused and weird as always and Steven...."STEVEN?!?!?! STTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVEN?!?! HOLY SHIT, WHERE IS STEVEN? WHERE IS MY BABY?!?!?!"

I small giggle form the kitchen...the little bastard crawled on the floor behind me while I was waking his brother. FOR REAL?!?!?!? I mean does this constitute cause for an ass beating? I was so freaked out. I just knew some religious fanatic had crwled into his window and stolen him to take away and sacrifice (what? So I have a bit of an active imagination....whatever?!?!?!?!)

I guess all I can say is "Well played son, well played"

I am BACK

2009-10-20T06:29:00.002-05:00

I am pretty sure I have lost all the follwong my little blog once had, but I am here to start writing again. I am in need of somesort of outlet and well, let's be honest...facebook and myspace just really let me be super nosey but do notlet me bitch and complain. Oh an where else can I tell all the stories about my weird children. So, starting today I will be posting daily maybe even sometime multiple times a day. Whoohoo. Lucky lucky friggin blog world.

"What's That Salty Looking Stuff?"

2008-12-20T12:45:00.002-06:00

I have often wondered when the entertaining conversations with my children would stop. Well, I am pretty sure the answer to that question is NEVER!

The kids were playing camping. To set up the scene, they were all on the bottom bunk with a blanket hanging over from the top bunk, all the lights off, and handy dandy flashlights in their hands. All seemed well and good until all three came out to ask about a bump found in Ethan's belly button. I closely examined it and then reassure them it was merely a mole (skin tag). Of course I did start to wonder how they found this thing while "camping". The three of them explained that they had been playing doctor and discovered during an examination. Okay, okay. They all have their clothes on so I see no harm in the situation.

Awhile later, Steven asked me what the slimy green stuff was in Ethan's nose.

Mom: Well honey, he has a little bit of a cold. that is snot.

Steven: Oh that is gross.

Mom: Yes, yes it is pretty dang gross.

Steven: What is the salty looking stuff on his butt?

Mom: What? Uh?

Steven: On his butt hole. He has some white stuff that looks salty. Like salt.

Okay, at this point I have realized that the game of doctor progressed waaaaaaaaaaaaaay further then I expected. Holy Shit!!! What the hell are they doing looking at Ethan's butt hole?

Mom: What the hell are you doing looking at Ethan's butt hole?

Steven: He took his pants off and said look at my butt hole.

Mom: well, the white stuff is probably leftovers from toilet paper and no one should be looking at anyones' butt hole. It is NOT okay to play ANY games that require you to take off your clothes.

I mean strip poker and hide the sausage, but that is when they are way older and they had better never play those games in my house. I pray I got my point across. Dear god, can't you just see them in there with the flashlights examining the kid's asshole. Good friggin' grief!!!

Christmas Shopping With the Lil' Ones

2008-12-18T21:31:00.002-06:00

We were shopping at Lowes today. The best place in the world to buy presents for Big Daddy. Ethan and Emily were like flies on shit finding presents for Dad, Steven....not so much. He proceeded to tell me all the stores we would have to shop at until he found just the right gift for Dad. Emily suggested a ceiling fan, which of course was unacceptable. "We already have plenty of those!!!" Steven replied. After I turned down the PS3, at the fourth store, he finally settled on.........well, I can't tell you. Clint does read the stupid shit I write on here sometimes.

Oh a little p.s.
Ethan bought Grandma Claire a snowman that poops candy. When Emily explained that Grandma Claire was too old for the Hannah montana makeup he originally picked out, he moved on to the pooping candy snowman. That kid would not be swayed. Hope she likes it. HEHEHEHE

What's That Guy's name?

2008-12-16T12:57:00.002-06:00

We are busy putting up Christmas lights when Steven comes to ask us a few questions. The conversation went like this:

Steven "Uh what's that guy's name? You know God's son..."

Me "You mean Jesus?"

Steven "Ya, him. Is he a zombie?"

Me "Excuse me?"

Steven "Well, he died and then came back, so is he a zombie?"

Me "No, no Jesus is not a zombie"

I am wondering if this is a sign to either get them immediately into bible school or NEVER put them in bible school.

Prepare to Pee

2008-12-14T21:52:00.001-06:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Here They Are

2008-09-12T09:17:00.002-05:00

Please people, no comments on the fancy linoleum that we have in our house. It's a rental already. Just pay attention to those heels. I love them. Hubba Hubba Hubba!!!!

Oh and P.S. I think we will go remarkably unaffected by IKE, but those poor people down at the coast and good grief even in Louisiana. They are all in our prayers.

Too Hot

2008-09-11T16:50:00.001-05:00

I just got these new heels and man o man they are hot. I need to take a picture and post them. I am now just looking for the occasion to wear them. Maybe tomorrow when I am getting al the laundry done and the kitchen mopped. Oh man, I could have worn them today at the grocery store. They are are HOT I tell you.

No camping for the Steins...THANKS IKE

2008-09-10T11:12:00.002-05:00

So, Ike is heading this way and has pretty much screwed us out of a camping trip this weekend. You know IKE is going to be a son of a bitch, I mean wasn't it IKE TURNER who beat the hell out of MS. TINA TURNER?
I think there is a chance we may be camping at home. They are predicting 50 mph winds here in San Antonio and the possibility of no power for the weekend. What? You mean I will not have a TV to babysit my children. Well, shit.

Of course Clint will probably have to work the entire time because apparently the railroad has a lot of shit to fix when a hurricane comes barreling through breaking crossings and other equipment. So, me the kids and no TV? OH SHIT!!!!! I AM FREAKING OUT!!!! I LOVE TV!!!

It has been a month

2008-09-09T08:49:00.003-05:00

I am so bad about my blog now that I have a MYSPACE. What a naughty little imp.

I woke up this morning with the most horrible pain in my back. I never have really had severe back pain before and this is really awful. It feels like someone shortened the muscles in my back and if I could just shorten myself, it would not hurt anymore. Clint says that is a pulled muscle. DAMMIT!!!

We are into our second week of school here at home and the kids are just sucking in everything I throw at them I swear it is an amazing thing to see them learn things right in front of you. I enjoy when that sparkle of recognition passes through their eyes as they wrap their minds around new concepts. It really brings me so much joy.

We are supposed to head out for a camping trip this weekend with the in-laws. Of course we are watching IKE with baited breath, completely unsure how it will affect our plans. (Did I use the right one there? Or is it effect? Shit I can not remember the rule.)

Fabulous Weekend

2008-08-11T08:09:00.002-05:00

I had the most wonderful weekend. Clint and I did a little home organizing on Saturday and then a bunch of pool time. Then yesterday...nothing baby!!! I lounged in the pool, did some word finds and read.

Home Organizing:
We have zero pantry space. I need to see my food and I need it to be easily accessible and very well organized. We bought a cheapo pantry awhile back and had it in the garage. The problem with that is we live in Texas and the garage gets ridiculously hot so I decided to move it into the "eat in" kitchen area. Of course our eat in kitchen is so friggin' small, there was no way we were going to put a table and chairs there, so we originally had a little antique craftsman desk there. Out went the desk, in came the pantry. Then we decided we might need a few small bookcases to sit under the window for more storage. While at Lowes, we found these white cabinets. Well, white cabinets did not match the brown pantry so we then HAD to buy a new white pantry. So now, the eat in kitchen is a pantry and it is F A B U L O U S!!! Maybe a little white trash, but uhm well....if the shoe fits.

Should Not Be on the Computer

2008-08-07T11:12:00.002-05:00

I really should not have even opened this laptop. It has a tendency to suck me in. I have a shit ton of stuff I want to get done today.

Attach flowers to Emily's curtain
Put collector stuff on Emily's shelf
Go to store
Workout
Swim with the kids
Put away two weeks of laundry
Finish school shopping for my niece and nephew
Shop for an area rug for Emily's room
Clean the kitchen

1, 2, 7 and 9 are done.

I wonder what the chances are that I will actually complete the other stuff. I was chatting with Rhianna last night and she asked me if I knew what the kids were going to be for Halloween. Are you kidding me girl? She already has patterns and material. I hate her. So, I guess I need to add that to my list of stuff to do. I want to just order 5 mullet wigs and have the entire family dress up as some good old fashioned 1980s white trash. You know with the bubba teeth and all.

Update, Update, Update

2008-08-04T06:49:00.005-05:00

We have all survived the dreaded stomach virus. It looked Clint and Were going to come out completely unscathed, until early Saturday morning when I began to piss out my ass and vomit like there was no more tomorrow. Luckily, it did last only one day and I was able to enjoy Sunday with friends and family.

We started off trying to remedy the cloudy mess we call a swimming pool. Of course being the white trash we are, that did not stop us from getting in and swimming. My friend Tara showed up just in time to not only wiggle Emily's loose tooth as she was heading into the pool, but give it a little tug and pull it out. So needless to say, we had to stop for a photo op.

I mean this is only the second tooth so it is still exciting and new. The boys are showing no signs of loosing any teeth any time soon.

While Tara and her new "not yet a boyfriend" Kenny were over, Clint grilled up some bacon wrapped scallops. OH MY FRIGGIN GOD!!!! They were so divine. He followed that up with some meticulously rubbed meat.

Still rubbing.....

And of course no meal is complete without some yummy vegetables

We finally were ready to cut the boys hair, throw the kids in the bath and call it a day. Of course that did not happen. The boys started yelling that they could see a rat in the back yard. Well, It was not a rat. It was a baby opossum.

I talked Clint into picking it up so the kids could see it up close and feel its fur.

Once Clint got it in his hands, we realized the little guy had a broken back leg. The rugged farmer in him told Clint to just get the shovel and put the thing out of his misery, but the wife and kids were voting for wildlife rescue. I called the 24 hour hot line and they gave us a drop off point to take him to...IN THE MORNING. So, in the box he went.

Of course when we got up this morning the little bugger had climbed out and we had to do a quick search. We found him and put him in a box with a lid. My Dad came and picked him up to take the Opossum to the drop off point. I was so grateful because I do not do well in traffic and it was "in town". Thanks Dad!!!

So thank goodness I was not still sick on Sunday. I would have missed out on so much.

And the Saga Continues

2008-07-30T04:31:00.004-05:00

I thought we were done. I thought we had made it to the light at the end of the tunnel. Apparently it was just a friggin' check point. Emily woke us up at about 3:30 this morning to let us know that she had puked in her bed. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.....I am having so much fun!!!

I know, I know. I still look so hot...UGH!!!!!

The good thing is that Emily is a really good patient and of course a good audience for my humor....even when she is sick.

She sucks the attention up like a camel led to water. She had just finished puking and was grinning from ear to ear over all the pampering she was getting. She is so my child.

Sometimes I wonder if my Mom made it back in her......................

This is my sick. vomiting children set up. I just pull a mattress into the living room so I do not have to keep getting in and out of bed. I cover their pillows with towels so I can just scoop them up if they do not get it all in their little red buckets and of course I have my laptop for the down time in between stomach emptying. I am getting a little tired of kids shows, but then I am also getting a little tired of rinsing out the vomit bucket.

Goodbye Randy and Thanks for the Lessons

2008-07-29T16:38:00.003-05:00

RIP Randy Pausch

I am not sure if many of you have heard or watched THE LAST LECTURE on Youtube or on TV, but the speaker Randy Pausch died Friday, finally succumbing to Pancreatic Cancer.

Clint and I both have read his book and felt almost as if we had grown to know his family. We are saddened by the loss and send our prayers to his family. I have no right to feel as sad as I do, he was not my husband, brother or uncle, but he touched our hearts so deeply. He shared himself and his family in such an emotionally charged time in their lives and .....well.....I am sad for them and for all of us who are now left with only his memory and his profound words. He has allowed me to realize that each and every day is a gift and a learning experience. If you have not read his book, I recommend you do.

Let the Laundry Commence

2008-07-28T07:54:00.003-05:00

Last night around 9pm, Steven began throwing up. Then at about 11 pm Ethan started throwing up. they have both been throwing up about every 20 0r t30 minutes since. I have done a gazillion loads of laundry. Seems that small children are not always the best about getting up and barfing in the toilet. I have now resorted to a mattress in the living room, three buckets (the third is for Emily who is now complaining of an upset tummy) and a lot of towels. Neither boy has even been able to keep Sprite down.

We did have a bit of a lull between 5:20 and 6:10 this morning. I managed to fall asleep sometime in there. So I have not been up quite 24 hours....UGH!!!! I am pretty sure I will be a zombie when Clint gets home this afternoon.

On the bright side, Clint is now home, so I will have a relief pitcher on deck.

We Need the Rain, Go Away Rain, We Need the Rain

2008-07-24T19:14:00.003-05:00

I am having a love hate relationship with all the rain we have gotten the last two days.

It is good for the aquifer, it is great for the yards, it lowers the electricity consumption at the Stein house (cooler temps), it filled the pool and it washed the car.

Now on the flip side, we are stuck indoors. The kids and I are now suffering from cabin fever. Clint is still gone in hurricane ville dealing with Dolly's aftermath and I am here dealing with three children stricken with indooritis.

I am on my third viewing of CAMP ROCK. I am now suffering with a little school girl crush on the JONAS BROTHERS. I need some sunshine and some adult interaction. Preferably the kind that shows up at my door because I also have a slight case of Hermititis.

I Finally Got to Meet Her

2008-07-23T09:37:00.004-05:00

I was walking with six kids in front of the Witte Museum. It was Free on Tuesday afternoons and with six kids (my three and the visiting three) I needed some free entertainment. So, we are heading to get in line and I walk past this tall drink of water. She looked familiar and man, she was so pretty. Then I saw three beautiful girls. They also looked familiar. OH MY GOD!!!! It was Rhianna (from a Texas Abroad) and her girls. Let me tell you, pictures do not do this group justice. They are more beautiful then I expected. Rhianna was visiting family and they too were in line for some free entertainment. You know great minds think alike. I am thrilled to finally get to meet her in person and am sorry I did not have more free time to really hang out with the girl. I did get a picture of us though. Oh and just so you know, she is leaning over so I do not look quite as short as I would have looked. I am not kidding when I tell you that Rhianna is one tall drink of water.

It's a Cruel, Cruel Summer

2008-07-23T09:06:00.003-05:00

Someone in my neighborhood (really, one of my close neighbors) has unleashed their hound of hell on me. It sounds like a 5 pound hound. Every damn morning at about 6:00 am, the friggin' yipping begins. It has been going non-stop until I am awake and plotting it's death and it has awaken my children. With Clint gone, I am unable to sleep well anyways. Remember I am a big big baby. Last night, I was able to fall asleep about 3:00 am or so. Of course at 6:00 am that dog began to yip and yap. I am afraid if this continues, I will have to murder either the dog or the owner. I do not do well without sleep. I mean I had to resort to Paxil when my children were babies. I am sure that had nothing to do with any kind of PostPartum Depression and everything to do with lack of sleep. Hey, shut up!!! It's my blog. I can be full of shit if I want to.

"Smithe Me You Mighty Smither"

2008-07-22T20:11:00.003-05:00

So Clint is now in Brownsville.
They should be done with the crossings sometime after midnight.
Yes, just in time to shake hands and introduce themselves to Dolly.
Oh and they may even get to see some failing levees.

See down there at the tip of Texas?
Right there where it meets Mexico?
You see it?
Oh you don't?
It is right where that hurricane is heading. See it now?
That is where my husband is at!!!!

It's My Blog and I'll Cry If I Want To

2008-07-22T09:21:00.003-05:00

I know I should not even complain, but it's my blog and I can say and feel whatever I want. So poop on you.

Clint had to go out of town again. I mean, I know he is not in Iraq this time and I am not jumping every time I hear a car door or freaking out and watching the news obssesively but I do still miss him terribly.

He is off to Brownsville to do something or other for the railroad in anticipation of Dolly.

There is one positive that is coming out of these short little trips he takes out of town......I have gained a wee bit of independence. I have always had roommates, boyfriends, girlfriends or parents living with me and never really had to deal with the little bumps in the night. I also have learned to entertain myself. yes, In my thirties and I now can live without a playmate 24/7.

Ahhhhhhhh, look at Katy acting like a big girl.

Raising a Herd of Perverts

2008-07-21T11:20:00.002-05:00

The kids and I have been enjoying the shit out of the 13ft above ground pool sitting in our backyard. We are swimming several times a day.

We have an established routine for when we are ready to go back inside. My little troops take off their swimsuits, wrap in a towel and then go inside. I wrap myself in a towel and take my suit off and hang it outside with the kids' suits. Yesterday I dropped my towel on the way to dress. You should have seen the children's' faces. It was as if someone had just unveiled a giant pinata filled with the world's supply of candy. They began to squeal and scream to each other that they could see "mommy's butt" and to "spank it, spank it". I ran for dear life to my bathroom while still under their hasty pursuit.

I am afraid now that I am rearing a bunch of little perverts.

American Politics Through the Eyes of a Five Year Old

2008-07-20T09:03:00.003-05:00

We received a post card from Clint's parents after their visit to Mount Rushmore, which began the impromptu lesson in politics. We discussed who the presidents on Mount Rushmore were. This lead to a discussion of the current president and then to the candidates for president. After our discussion, I turned to Emily and jokingly asked who she thought should be elected in November. She quickly and without a flash of doubt in her mind responded "George Obaca". Maybe he is the Bi-Partisan candidate that could unite the Democrats and Republicans.

Off to see the Gyno

2008-07-18T14:13:00.002-05:00

Over the hills and through the woods to the gyno office I go. I really hate going to see the gyno. I guess no one really likes it, but having my mother die at the age of 50 from breast cancer always gives me a wee bit of anxiety. I do have a big old list of stuff to ask her this time. Dr. Skop can thank Oprah for my huge list of questions. She had her gyno on the show. Let me tell you if you did not see it (ladies....well guys may find the info useful as well) you gotta watch it. It was amazing the stuff I did not know...I mean I am 34 for shit's sake. I guess we are always learning something new.

Forget Swim Lessons

2008-07-17T08:24:00.002-05:00

The story starts with the 200 dollar above ground pool we bought. Clint and I had his sister's kids coming for a visit and knew that there was no way we could afford to take six kids and two adults out and about for a week, hence the pool.

Now another important piece of information to the story is that my kids were scheduled to start swim lessons (57 bucks a kid for 8 lessons) while the kids were visiting but I never got a confirmation from the lady at Schertz pool (poopie head).

Ethan was in the pool with his cousin Bo (8 years old). Bo was able to get Ethan to start going under water. Of course I clapped and oohed and ahhhed appropriately. I made everyone else come out and cheer for Ethan as well. This of course made Emily jealous, so she had to get in the pool as well. She got in the pool and would not turn loose of the side. She kept crying about how scared she was. Well, in about five minutes, Bo had Emily swimming half way across the pool while underwater. So I again oohed and ahhhed appropriately and this drew Steven out. Our niece Breanna then spent about an hour and had Steven swimming.

So I guess if you take the 57 bucks times the three kids who are no longer in need of swim lessons, plus the gas to drive over to Schertz for the swim lessons and well........It is like the pool was free. Damn I love when things work out like that.

For the Love of God

2008-07-16T10:08:00.002-05:00

The kids are getting big. Too damn big. I am fighting and fighting this inner turmoil. I want to keep my claws in these kids and not let go. I took a lil baby step and went to check out a charter school for the twins. Of course when we discussed curriculum, it was all a bunch of sit my kids already know. So then I again start the debate. Will they be discipline problems because they already know all the shit the teacher will be teaching? The principle said they would give them alternate work. What does that mean? They will get a coloring book? I want them to be scholastically challenged. I want them to use their minds. I want them to enjoy learning.

Clint and I are going to schedule a follow up appointment to get some clarification on what alternate work is.

O do not like the elementary school that our address requires. This is what lead me to this charter school. Of course I really do not have a lot to back up my opinion of the school. I guess it is just the surrounding area that made me decide I did not want the kids there.

Maybe I am worrying to much and should just stick them in a damn school. I swear I over analyze everything when it comes to my kids. I just want to be a good mom. I want to make the right decisions.

My Short Notes On American Idol

2008-03-14T09:18:00.003-05:00

Boring

Uhm she sang good....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Awesome

SO GOOD

I loved it. She is really good. I love her. Maybe it is because she is Irish. I love the Irish.

I was not impressed until he sag the chorus.

It was lovely.

SUCK IT!!!! Go back to Dick's (the gay bar he stripped at)

She was not AS bad tonight. I can not believe I said that. She jumps on my nerves.

HO-HUM he sings good but I was bored.

SUCK IT Kristy. You can go back to Dick's too. Bwahahahahaha

Poor thing. He was a ball o nerves and forgot lyrics and was just OFF.

And who went home?

He needed to go home but really....Kristy Lee Cock....oops I mean Cook should really have gone first.

HEY HEY HEY GOODBYE

2008-03-07T08:08:00.002-06:00

Poor Kady sang her goodbye song so bad, I actually felt pretty bad for her.

I know Luke really was not that good but he was so sweet. I hate to see his heart breaking. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Asia'H got sent home over Kristy. What a crock. I mean she is not all that great but she was waaaaaaay better then Kristy. I loved her hair straight.

What? What does the world have against the queen. Ahhhhh man he was entertaining but I am not sure we are ready for a queen idol that is not actually a girl. I hated to see her cry it kind of choked me up.

My Take on This Weeks Idols

2008-03-06T08:26:00.003-06:00

Ahhhhhh Luke, you strike me as a really nice guy and it breaks my heart to see you suck. I mean that was the best you have eve done, but still sucked!!

He is so very good. I want to download him singing that damn Phil Collins song to my Ipod.

This girl is F I E R C E. He is such a queen and I love it. I hate all the Emo crap though. I wish he would just grow his hair longer, slap on some makeup and be a girl already. I mean he is adorable. That being said, I did not feel like he did very well this week.

Stripper boy sang some Celine Dion. I swear he was channeling her or something. I am not sure if it is because I now know he was a stripper at a gay bar, but I find him a bit spicy now.

I was disappointed. I love that dang song from THE BREAKFAST CLUB and I felt like he did not quite measure up. I also was so friggin' aggravated when Randy implied it was done by INXS. It is Simple Minds you dumbass. That was the second friggin' time that jackass got the artist wrong. WTF!!!!

I do not even really care for David Cook all that much but holy ape shit batman!!!! He friggin' rocked. I loved it, loved it, loved it.

Even with the dreads, he is such a cutie pie. There is just something about that kid. He did pretty darn good.

Chikezie....dang it, I love him to. I do. But he will not be in my top three. He is like number five.

Now for the dreadful girls. They are just not even close to being as talented a group as the guys are. What a damn shame.

Asia'H was wearing some sort of god awful outfit and is totally a mediocre. The girl also needs to stop with the whole chicken/rooster neck thing before she gives herself an injury,

Kady....unh? who? ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Amanda has no vocal talent. Get her the hell out of there. And that hair. UGH!!!! WTF!!!!

Carly is so good. She will be one of the last girls standing. I am a little confused about the foreigners being in AMERICAN IDOL, but whatever.

Kristy sucks. That's all.

Ramiele....blah, blah, blah

Brook's performance was very good. Her voice sounded great and so melodic. She and Carly are my two favorites.

Syesha was actually pretty darn good but I still do not like her. Is that wrong? TOO BAD!!!

Thank you Jennifer Love Hewitt

2008-03-05T08:01:00.002-06:00

I am so proud of Jennifer Love Hewitt.

She let her backside get photographed and you know what, She is a woman. She does not have what people perceive as the "perfect ass" She has what all women have. The normal ass. Some bigger, some smaller, some fuller, some flatter. I am so proud of her for making it okay to have a normal woman's ass. She is setting a beautiful example for our girls. Well, she really is even setting a beautiful example for us, as women. We should all accept our bodies and just be healthy. It is hard to do, but I hope we will all be able to pass this message on to our daughters. I think Jennifer Love Hewitt is beautiful and has a lovely back side.

Heath Ledger's Last Portrait

2008-03-05T07:51:00.003-06:00

I found this on PageSix. I really thought the concept was awesome as is the portrait.

Australian artist Vincent Fantauzzo tells PageSix.com
"It was about how we all have different consciences and voices in our head that tell us what to do and how to react. They're not good or bad, they're just voices that we hear, telling us how to behave. That's what the other figures are in the painting."

I find this so haunting. I really do love it. Even if he were still alive, I would understand its' meaning.

Latest to be voted off IDOL (last week)

2008-03-04T11:44:00.002-06:00

I can not believe Kady got to stay over Alaina. Kady is cute and all but talent wise.....WTF!!!!! And of course the poor girl cried. She just got the big ol' boot.

Alexandrea got voted off and dumbass, suck nuts Amanda got to stay. WTF!!!!!!

Jason got sent home. Now get rid of David H.

Who by the way, has now been found out as a stripper in a gay bar.......

go figure. BWAHAHAHAHAHA I wonder if he will get the ax from American Idol. Didn't thy get rid of that big black girl for just doing lingerie? Man this season is so full of scandal.

I am a little disappointed Robbie got the boot. I have been reading all this stuff about Robbie wearing a wig. He of course totally denies it. I do find the boy band pics of him that have surfaced

so friggin' hilarious. I am pretty sure Simon called it.

Next, Luke needs to go.

Oh and look at this. I found it on PageSix.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

It's Girls' Night Out

2008-02-29T09:32:00.002-06:00

And honey I have got some doubt...okay, that was cheesy but it goes right along with these girls performing. UGH!!!!

I thought Alaina sang really well. I love me some Olivia Newton John and she did it pretty darn god. Okay, but that having been said.......her dress was down right FUGLY!!!

Please, someone dress Aexandrea in some clothes not so 12 year old skater boyish. I can hardly concentrate on how she sings when I have to look at her in those clothes. She is going to have to go.

Kady totally ruined my most favorite HEART song. I may have to hunt her down and kill her for what she did to MAGIC MAN. She should have sang some HELEN REDDY or ANNE MURRAY.

I thought Asia'h looked awesome. I love that high waisted pencil skirt look. She sang pretty good too. I say she sticks around awhile.

Carly sand HEART. I have already made it clear that I love HEART. Well, I think she did an awesome job. I loved it. I did however HATE her dress.

There is something about Syesha that rubs me all kinds of the wrong way. I wanted to poke her in the eyes as much as she stared at the camera. The note she held at the end for what felt like all eternity, was dreadful.

I think Brook is super cute and sang great for a night out of Karaoke. What was Simon thinking.

I hate Ramiele's hair. The song was lame and boring. She DOES have a great voice though.

I think this girl is adorable and I really want her to be so good but really.....it was just another night at the karaoke bar.

For the love of God. Stop that stupid dancing (friggin' Paula needs to come out of the drug induced stupor that makes her compliment your dancing because she can not think of anything else to say). Do something about your stupid, dumb ass hair. Do something about your stupid outfit. Do something to help you realize you do not actually have any vocal talent.

Last Night's American Idol

2008-02-27T09:11:00.003-06:00

Michael's performance was disppointing after last weeks. I realy wanted him to quit bouncing around.

Jason Castro picked a lame song but I think this guy is really good. I also like how comfortable he is with his guitar.

Luke seemed to be a bit show-girlish. I do think he is sooooooo cute.So why does he have to be the best of everything? He is an alright singer.

Robbie reminds me of Justin Timberlake. He sang good but needed more umph. I like him though.

Here comes queeny!!! Danny sang the Carpenters. He sang it good but he is more GAY IDOL. Maybe he could be Perez Hilton's BFF.

David H performed like he was a chick trying too hard to be sexy. I found it comical. He sang okay but his performance was a joke.

David Cook has nice teeth, sang really well and picked a great song.

What is with all the gayness. I love me some gayness but it seems to be oozing all over idol this season. Did you see Jason's shiny belt? He is such a mediocre singer.

Chikezie is a doll. I love him. He is a great performer and a pretty dang good singer.

David sang IMAGINE. It was flawless. I loved it. BEST OF THE NIGHT!!!!

He Is A Friggin' Genius

2008-02-27T08:02:00.000-06:00

I like to think that my kids are pretty damn smart. I would say in some aspects they are above average. Well, last night Ethan proved he was a genius.
He was sitting on the pot waiting for an ass wiping. When I came in, he scooped up his balls and said "Look Mommie, It's my brain." I told you he was a genius. Many grown men won't even admit that they keep their brains down there.

Jimmie is F@%&ing Ben Affleck

2008-02-25T09:02:00.002-06:00

Oh my goodness. Holy Shit is what I really have to say. Jimmie Kimmel's rebuttle to Sarah Silverman's "I'm F@*&ing Matt Damon". It is pretty dang funny.

Bye Bye Baby

2008-02-23T08:28:00.002-06:00

Well, Four of the idols left.

I really have no problem with any of them being voted off. I am going to miss the Peter Frampton boy a little because he had a fun personality. This is a singing contest though, not a personality contest.

Hey,hey,hey gooooodbye

American Idol Girls

2008-02-20T19:26:00.003-06:00

Okay, so here we are again. I am so full of opinions. I am not as thrilled with the girls as I thought I would be.

Kristy was cute and I loved her eye makeup even though she looked a little squinty. Her performance was okay. She was not outstanding. This could be nerves or the fact that a bunch of them are sick. I am not sure, but I can tell you she will NOT win. Of course that is sad because she sold her BEST horse to get to the audition. No regrets Kristy. Check out her MYSPACE.

Jo-anne was Awful with a capital A. It sounded to me like Loretta Devine (you know the receptionist chick from that new adorable show ELI STONE) was onstage singing.

Alaina has some kind of funky thing (like a mended gap) with her front teeth and I actually love it. I think it gives her such character. I grew up with a girl who had the cutest most delightful gap. I was a little sad when she got the gap fixed. I mean she looked cute still, but the gap had such character. Okay, I have strayed. Anyway, Alaina seemed pretty good and pretty powerful.

Oh dear Amanda. I know you have been compared to Janis Joplin and Lita Ford but I find you annoying. I find the grind in your voice annoying and I find you HAIR and clothes annoying. I hope you go home before I rip myself bald.

Amy sang WHERE THE BOYS ARE which was originally sung by Connie Francis (Not Patsy Cline like stupid ass Randy said...DOG!) and I can tell you, Connie is not a happy camper. Amy ruined the song and made me a bit queasy.

I was expecting a lot from Brook. Other than a few lame notes, I thought she had a Carol King type of stage presence and an engaging voice minus the nerves.

Alexandrea started off so strong but fizzled a bit in the middle of her performance. I think it was just a bad choice for songs because the girl can sing and has some serious stage presence. She does remind me a little of a prior idol Christina Christian. I really like this girl. I think she will be one to watch.

Kady does the best Brit Brit impression I have ever seen. She sang A GROOVY KIND OF LOVE by Phil Collins. She made it totally contemporary. I love, love her. She is cute, funny and talented.

Asiah sang some Janis Joplin with a bit of ghetto so so fabulous flair. Her performance was alright, but it didn't have enough of the ROCK feeling to it. Not enough Soul as my husband said. Oh and he says she has a big butt. I mean nothing like Niece Nash on Reno 911. Bwahahahahahahah.

Ramiele, you poor girl. When I first saw you I thought I was looking at useless girl Bai Ling. You really do have a nice voice and I found you entertaining but a wee bit on the dull side.

Syesha was already on a show called THE ONE: MAKING A MUSIC STAR. She is a beautiful girl and has a beautiful smile, but already being on a show and already having a break (appearing in Ford commercials) it seems she has a foot in the door and well, I just do not know if I think she should be there. I found her performance to be trite and lacking.

Carly looks way better in this picture then she did for the show. I love her with this short sassy hair. She has already had a record deal under the name Carly Hennessy. The company dissolved and her career went along with it. She says she sees "American Idol as her second chance". She has a nice voice, but for the love of god...sing a song that will not put my children to sleep at nightie night time. She went last and could have ended it on a real upbeat number. I do not care if you have the flu....entertain me!!!!

American Idol Guys

2008-02-20T17:19:00.003-06:00

Okay, so here are my opinions about the twelve guys who competed this week. All of them are very talented, but there can only be ONE!

Chikezie was so adorable. He has a smooth voice and a great amount of charisma. I like him well enough.

Colton was plain. He had a decent voice, but no umph.

Danny is a pretty good singer and a total queen. I have nothing, and I mean NOTHING against queens. That being said, he has an old queen's attitude. The smooched lips and the Emo wardrobe just doesn't scream American Idol to me. Maybe Gay American Idol.

David whispered queen and was entirely too meek.

David A. is a sweet , young queen. I could totally see him in the next installment of High School Musical 24...or whatever number they are on.

David C. was pretty good but this picture makes him look like a total douche.

Garret is very BeeGees and I LOVE the BeeGees. The are sort of girly in a non-queen way. There was just something about this kid. I really like him, but an American Idol winner? I just don't know. He does look kind of like Peter Frampton and by his own admission, Ellen DeGeneres

Jason was on break from the cruise ship he works on. Okay, not really but Simon's comment about that is how he sounded was dead on. I really wanted him to do so good. He is from Texas, He was there with his little boy and he is about to enter his thirties. I was really hoping when he opened his mouth I was going to be in Awwwww. I was however only in Awwwww at how gay he seemed when he sang.

Jason C. has dreads. Dreads are disgusting. That being said I am a fan. I loved his singing and I think he will do well in this competition. He has those eyes like uhm....what was that guys name who came in second to Kelly Clarkson? Well, anyways...him.

Luke is another one I had high hopes for. Mainly because he looks like Orlando Bloom and Luke Perry's love child. I mean with parents like that......he was not awful, just pretty much boring, forgettable, lame!

Michael has IT. You know what IT is and this guy has got IT!!! I think he will be one of the last men, well even one of the last contestants standing. He is cute, he is talented, he has charisma, He could win it! He also reminds me a hair of this guy I went to high school with.

Robbie is pretty awesome. I find his voice hypnotic but his choice of constant head gear like a train wreck. You just can not look away. Honestly, I thought he must be balding at first because he was in Florida wearing a beanie. FLORIDA! BEANNIE! NO BUSINESS! He has hair there. I mean you can see in this picture he is not balding so I guess I will just have to remain confused on the subject.

Well, tonight is the girls.

Jumping Into The Mortgage Game

2008-02-13T07:49:00.003-06:00

Clint and I have started researching schools and neighborhoods. We have been driving through subdivisions. We would like to have a house bought and moved into before the 2008-2009 school year starts.

Here is home number one. It is great. In a wonderful neighborhood with a terrific elementary school and it is in our price range. Whoohoo. I will put it on the list.

Also, Yesterday was big brother, JackArmy's

38th birthday. I really am so proud he is my brother. He is growing (not just around the middle) to be quite a good man. Kudos to you, JACKARMY!

43 days, 4 hours, 6 minutes and 58 seconds smoke free.
777 cigarettes not smoked.
$185.76 saved
and 5 days, 22 hours of your life saved.

Aretha Franklin Had One Too Many Twinkies

2008-02-11T09:43:00.000-06:00

I am not sure what Aretha Franklin has been doing since I saw her last

Dlisted

I am certain it was not her Tae Bo DVD. Lord have mercy, she is BIG!!!!

I mean she is so big, her tits now probably have their own zip code.

Need A Laugh?

2008-02-05T11:08:00.000-06:00

It is so wrong to laugh when others fail but sometimes You just can't help it.

I'm F@*#ing Matt Damon

2008-02-01T09:47:00.001-06:00

For the love of God, I laughed so hard I had a little peepee leakage.
Go See!!!! I'm F&#*ing Matt Damon Now! Go! Quit reading this and GO!!!!!!

Breathing Free Statistics

2008-01-31T17:31:00.000-06:00

Well people, here they are. My official stats for today.

Time Smoke-Free: 30 days, 13 hours, 58 seconds
Cigarettes NOT smoked: 550
Lifetime Saved: 4 days, 4 hours
Money Saved: $129.60

I feel somewhat accomplished.

In The Mood For Some Funnies?

2008-01-30T09:24:00.000-06:00

Poor guy

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

Last Day on the Job

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.

The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast, eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh squeezed orange juice.When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you."

I asked him what to give you. He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar."

The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

Waste of Sarcasm

2008-01-30T08:25:00.000-06:00

Pretty much every morning after Clint has left for work, I am joined in bed by some combination of children. his morning Steven came first. We watched some news and chatted. Then came Ethan. He curled up right behind me. He was so close that I laughed and asked him "think you can get any closer?" Well, he did. He scooted his little body up as far as he could and said "I'm Closer." Man, sometimes sarcasm is wasted on young people.

Stein Look-alike Meter

2008-01-29T15:18:00.001-06:00

MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebrities - Collage - Morph

Stein Look-alike Meter

2008-01-29T14:37:00.001-06:00

MyHeritage: Look-alike Meter - Pedigree - Family photos

Stein Look-alike Meter

2008-01-29T14:10:00.001-06:00

MyHeritage: Look-alike Meter - Free genealogy - Family reunion

Never Pass Out At The Stein House

2008-01-28T11:28:00.000-06:00

Once upon a time, in a land far far away.......Way back when we didn't have kids and we could act really stupid and sleep it off the next day.

I have these pictures that Some friends and I took of Clint. He made the mistake of passing out with three drunks still up and looking for entertainment. We proceeded to paint his toes, put make up on him and just pretty much screw with him. We documented it all on film, much to his dismay.

Then there was the New Years Eve a few years back when Clint had a wee bit too much to drink and was rendered paralyzed for a short period of time. Again, several friends and I took this as a great photo opportunity. We now have some lovely photos of my friends and I with a drunken, green Clint.

I of course am entirely too lazy to go find said photos, scan them and post them. Which really is fine because the true reason for this post is to state the fact that Ethan really is a chip off the old block. The little darling can fall asleep anywhere, anytime if he is tired enough.

Now, being the family of asshole, jerks that we are, I could not just carry the little guy off to bed. No way Jose!!!! I must pass on to the other children what we do when we have such an opportunity. You must never pass up such wonderful photo ops.

Emily jumped right in. She knows a good time when she sees one. Steven took a little coaxing, but he too joined in the fun.

Of course being the sen say of good times, I jumped in to top off the education with the great "group photo".

A Fan Of Stephen Lynch

2008-01-27T17:20:00.000-06:00

I do not know if you have ever seen Stephen Lynch, but this guy is so damn funny. He does this song about Dungeons and Dragons. I have of coursed already e-mailed that to my older brother who drew crap on graph paper and had pewter statue guys.

I thought I would include a link to his diddy about his close loving relationship with his Grandad.

I tried to find the link to another song he does called DOWN TO THE OLD PUB INSTEAD. If you find that one, oh give it a good listen. That is the one that started me on the path of Stephen Lynch.

Self Proclaimed Poop Machine

2008-01-25T08:16:00.000-06:00

I know it was probably foolish of me but I was sure I would no longer be writing about poop. All the kids are potty trained, we have no pets. Of course there is still the little detail that we still wipe some asses. Emily is the only child at this point, that we trust to wipe her own ass without using too much toilet paper, having shit on her hands and shit all over the toilet. So the conversation last night began like this:

Ethan: "I'm DOOOOOONE" (This is the call for us to get up off our asses and go wipe his butt)

Clint: "I'm Coming"

Ethan: (upon Clint's arrival to the poop depot) "Wait (grunt,grunt) I need to make one more poop"

Clint comes out to the living room to watch TV while he waits for the boy to finish his "business"

Ethan: "I'm DOOOOOONE"

Clint heads into the bathroom

Ethan: "I didn't make just one, I made two more poops."

Clint: "Okay" (I mean what exactly are you supposed to say to that)

Ethan: "I am a poop machine"

Clint: (laughing) Yes, yes you are.

Wipes his butt and follows him to be sure he gets back in bed.

Ethan: (turns around and tells Clint)"I really am a poop machine"

This is one of those conversations that makes me glad I am a parent.

I Feel Like Jill In The Beanstalk

2008-01-24T09:59:00.000-06:00

Before I get to the real meat of this story, I must give a bit of history.

Clint got out of the Army and we MOVED to his parents for the few weeks it would take him to find a job now that he had completed his Bachelors degree.

After several MONTHS, he accepted a position as a service tech for a company near Springtown, TX (where he is from). We then MOVED into a house we rented from his uncle.

After two months, the railroad called. They offered him a job in San Antonio that he would start in two weeks. So we had two weeks to load up and get ourselves and our shit to San Antonio. We were to rent a house from a girl I used to work with back when I had a J O B. So, we loaded up the truck and we MOVED.

We got to San Antonio and the house we were to move into (which had been vacant and on the market for something like 8 months) had been broken into and had squatters. So here we are with a moving truck full of our stuff, three kids and no place to live.

I panicked for about an hour and then we began the hunt. Within 16 hours, we had found a house, unpacked our truck and set up the beds. Now, I am sure you can guess the house we ended up with on such short notice was not exactly what we had been dreaming of. It was dated. The floors were ridiculous. However, we had a place to live and that was GREAT.

Now for the MEAT!!!!

I have a bit of an anal side. I like a clean. non cluttered house. I sweep and mop most every day. Can you imagine my surprise when I found plant life growing in my bathroom?

I am not exactly sure what this mean, but it can't be good. I mean where is it coming from? Do you see that black? That is some sort of sticky gummy stuff from when they laid the linoleum on top of the old linoleum. It really is all kinds of Fancy Time.

Now, I ask you not to be jealous. Do not look at your house and wonder why you can't have plants growing out form under your tub. We are special and we have been chosen.

The Real Housewives of The OC..I AM A BAD TV JUNKY

2008-01-23T10:35:00.000-06:00

I know I have some serious issues with TV. I pretty much record everything. I love bad reality TV. I keep this reality genre alive.
I was thrilled while feeding my other addiction...the Internet, I found a web site called Pretty On The Outside. This guys art work is so wonderful. I am now an addict of that to....beats cigarettes people....work with me here. You can also find him here.

Now, this guy has done some pictures of the stars of one of my favorite shows.......The Housewives Of The OC. Where the hell are their awards? This is some riveting TV.

Last night was the season finale and now i sit and wait for the after show next week.

Jeanna is my favorite housewife. Her alcoholic husband has left the show after a few seasons and very little interaction. Apparently he did not like the fact that she went from Playmate to a real life woman who puts on a little weight.

Then there is the alcoholic, good time, obsessive compulsive Vicky, who I have to admit is one crazy ass entertaining broad.

Do not forget to go check out this guys stuff. He really is so talented.

What's New PussyCat

2008-01-23T08:13:00.000-06:00

Went to a benefit for my friend Christy this past Sunday. She was recently diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma Stage III and has no insurance. She has since applied for assistance through the hospital she is receiving treatment and got it. Thank goodness. She starts her Chemo this week and her bone marrow test came back negative. To me, this means the girl is well on her way to recovery. The benefit was entertaining. I saw tons of people I had not seen in years and it was nice to see so many people come out to make a difference in her life. She is well worth it. My Dad and his wife donated a sizable chunk of money, which was so nice.

I have still not smoked and I am really going to make it last this time. Now that I realize I am a nicotine addict and can NEVER pick up another cigarette, I think a beak through has been made. It really is not easy, but hey what fun is easy. I watched Oprah yesterday all about quitting smoking and it just solidified my desires to be smoke free.

The kids have been working hard on their phonics and their numbers. They can now count to 100 and can almost recognize all the numbers as well. Emily of course has it down pat, but they do say girls come along quicker then boys.

I miss being in Springtown, believe it or not. I know there was bad Internet, phone service...it was the sticks. But I miss the family. I love having family around and cousins for the kids. My family isn't too much into all that, so I must just soak it all in with Clint's family. Good Times I tell you.

Emily asked me the other day when we would be getting a new pet and honestly I really do not want one. Maybe in a few years kid.

Oh and best of all, next to the tub in the kids' bathroom, there is a little plant of some sort growing out from under it. How friggin' crazy is that!!! I am going to take a picture of it and send it to the landlord. CRAZY!!!!!!

Super Freak, Super Freak, She's Super Freaky

2008-01-17T11:41:00.000-06:00

The kids all went shopping for each other this Christmas. Clint and I feel it is important for then to learn the gift of giving. They really did enjoy it and believe it or not, they kept the gifts they bought a secret. Christmas day was full of excitement ad hugs. They were all so excited to give their gifts and also to see what they had gotten.

Steven bought Emily some little girl make-up. Now, I use this term loosely because it would seem to me that little girl make-up would consist of light, neutral colors. This is so very far from the truth. Little Girl make-up is also the same make-up the local hookers buy. The bright blues and pinks. It is so awful.

Emily, however loved her gift and is frothing at the mouth to put on her make-up every time she plays dress-up. Here are the results of "little girl" cosmetics.

Before

After

Enough said.

What I Miss About Being An Army Wife

2008-01-15T08:16:00.000-06:00

1. Free health care

2. The neighbors/ my friends

3. Playmates for the kids

4. The PX...man they had somekick ass sales

5. The Family events on post.

What I like about being in San Antonio

1. Close to my Grandmother and Dad

2. Close to my BFF

What I liked about Springtown
1. The kids had cousins to play with

2. Clint's family

3. Sticking my arm up a cow's ass

4. Hanging out with Jennifer and Marsha

5. Our huge backyard

"No Mommy, Don't Beat Me"

2008-01-09T15:21:00.000-06:00

What I have NOT heard since quitting smoking.

So here it is, about a week into quitting and "Holy ape shit Batman!" I have gotten a severe case of insomnia and am friggin' tired as all get out. Which leads me to explain my new "system" for the kids.

When you quit smoking (for those who have never done it) you have a tendancy to get a wee bit on the FRIGGIN" CRANKY SIDE. You have to fight cravings and try not to be a total bitch to the people who are kindly supporting you. So in an attempt not to beat the living hell out of my children I came up with a plan. We are doing a sticker reward system until I can spank them without possibly killing them. So the way the "system' works is as follows:
Listen to Mommy the first time she says something and follow the rules and you get a sticker.
Do not listen to Mommy and break the rules and I take the sticker away.
When you get five stickers (does not seem too hard, but we are talking about two five year olds and a four year old....they have yet to get to five stickers today) you get to pick a candy out of the candy drawer. Not to mention the fact that these kids are crazy for stickers themselves and have already been working hard at kissing up to get stickers.

So, that is the "system". Seems to be working so far. No one has gotten a single spanking today.....that in itself is flippin' amazing.

A Brand New Year

2008-01-07T08:30:00.000-06:00

So here it is, 2008. I am about to shit a brick at just the thought of having graduated high school Almost 16 years ago. I mean, I really do not feel like I am old enough for that.
Well, I have some changes I AM making this year.
1. Quit smoking again and for the last time
2. Stay on top of special occasions
3. Start house hunting

That is about all I am really willing to commit to. I mean the No smoking is tough enough. One thing I read that totally made sense was......"Do not think you can just smoke one cigarette socially. You are like an alcoholic. You will never be able to socially smoke."

That is for sure. I am so glad I have such a good support system because this shit really is super hard.

Making Friends Amongst Dogs or Kids

2007-11-28T08:37:00.000-06:00

Another stellar conversation at the Stein house

Emily: um mom, Ethan took off his pants and underwear and Steven is sniffing his butt

Mom: WHAT?!?!?

Emily: Are they supposed to do that?

Okay, now there are so many things here to comment on. First, the fact that my eldest son is sniffing his brother's ass. That is just wrong on so many levels. The other big red flag that we have a problem....Emily is not sure if that is okay or not. Well child, of course it is NOT okay. We are not canine and do not sniff each others butts.

Mom: STEVEN, GET YOUR ASS IN HERE! What in the world do you think you are doing?

Steven: I don't know.

Mom: Are you a dog?

Steven: No.

Mom: Are you supposed to smell peoples' butts?

Steven: He (referring to his brother) made me do it.

Mom: He shoved your face in his butt?

Steven: sort of

What does that mean? Sort of? Sort of? What does that mean? Clint says nothing the boys do surprises him because they are boys and boys do really weird, stupid, dumb shit. Lord help me!!!!

Hate Crime At The Grocery Store

2007-11-20T08:02:00.000-06:00

The family and I headed off to buy food yesterday. We first shopped at Sam's. Man was that beautiful. We saved so much money. I friggin' loved it. Of course being the cheap ass I am, I knew we would still have to go to HEB (our local grocery store) because turkeys are only 67 cents a pound. You can't beat that shit with a stick.

We strolled on into the HEB. I stopped at the door and through Steven into the cart. When I turned back, I saw Clint talking to some Mexican guy that I thought he may have known from when we lived here before. I just kept shopping. At the deli I turned to ask Clint who his friend was and realized he was still on our tail so refrained. When we got to the turkeys, the guy zoomed by with his little girl (5 or 6) in tow yelling across the meat that he would "See you outside Honky, I'll see you outside".

I turned to Clint to find out who he was and realized that maybe they were not friends. Apparently, When I was putting Steven in the cart (which took all of 45 seconds) this guy was pissed that I had blocked the entrance and ran his cart about two inches from my ass. Of course I was totally oblivious to this, but apparently Clint wasn't having it.

Clint had seen the man in the parking lot on our way in screaming at his daughter and had gotten pretty worked up with the what ifs that man abuses his daughter right there what would Clint do. So with this jerk already heavy on Clint's mind, when he ran the cart up, almost hitting me in the rear, Clint told him to back it up. The guy complained in a pretty hostile manner that I was blocking the door. Clint pushed his cart back into him asking if he thought he was going to hit me with it. They exchanged a few more words and then we were off. I was still unaware of this situation..I guess I am not the sharpest tool in the shed.

When we made it to the deli, the guy was running his cart up right on Clint's heals. Clint asked him "Are you going to hit me with that?" The guy replied "If you don't move". When we got to the meat section the guy yelled at Clint ,"See you outside HONKY, See you outside." I mean, I am pretty sure that is a racial slur. The guy was whizzing around the store and every time he saw us, he was telling Clint he would see him outside. At one point he even was holding a bottle of wine like he was planning on using it as a weapon.

What is wrong with people? He is a grown man with a little girl. Wonder how she will turn out?
So I think with the racial slur and all the aggression, this guy need to attend some PC anger management class.

Honor Thy Turkey

2007-11-19T09:53:00.000-06:00

In honor of Thanksgiving I thought it important to take the time to honor all the turkeys that give their lives so we may eat and take naps while watching football.

I thought it was fitting to start with the traditional turkey hunt. Historically, our countrymen have spent many hours hunting for the perfect turkey to grace their tables.

Now, The preperation of the turkey is just as important. Some use apples, some use onions and others glaze with honey.

When you have finished you turkey, gather all your friends and family and enjoy the feast.

Here is my beautiful turkey.

Is It Just Mine?

2007-11-17T08:01:00.000-06:00

I need to know how my spawn compare.

Do your kids wrestle and get too loud?

Do you have to tell them a gazillion times to pick up?

Do you feel like some days you are just waiting to hand out the next ass whoopin'?

Do they think it is funny to eat crayons?

Are all kids bad?

Is it just mine?

I swear they are begging to be beat. Maybe they need to get some little friends here so they have someone to play with besides each other. HMMMMMMMMMMMMMM........

It's that or I am going to start investing in some animal tranquilizer.

All I Want For Christmas

2007-11-13T19:10:00.000-06:00

I took the kids to Toys R Us today to get some ideas for Christmas and birthdays and well, apparently they want Toys R Us. Everything in the store is now on their list.

We Have Arrived

2007-11-13T09:37:00.000-06:00

We are now here in San Antonio. I think we are settled for at least a year. Then we will look into buying. The kids have been real troopers with all this moving. We figured out that they have moved five times in the last year. I guess the good part is they are not in school so.......They have asked " Why are we living in so many houses?" Man, that tears a parent up inside when they feel like the kids are not getting the "roots" they need.
Well, we are here!!!!

Can God Turn You Into Spiderman

2007-10-27T09:46:00.000-05:00

Steven: "Mom, I want to be Spiderman so I can use my web to get that football from the bigger kids."

Mom: "Well, you can not be Spiderman, he isn't really real"

Steven: "Well, maybe God could make me into Spiderman, he can do anything."

Hmmmmmmmmmm, again it is hard to argue the logic.

I've Been Partying With Britney Spears

2007-10-26T08:33:00.000-05:00

Okay, not really. I have stuck my hand up a cow's ass and have moved into a house of our own (of course we will probably be moving out of this house to load up and move to San Antonio). I wonder how many times I can say move. So, there you go...all caught up.

We were practicing trick or treating with the kids the other day. You know, making them ring the door bell, say trick or treat and of course the ever important THANK YOU. Ethan would not say thank you. He finally told me " Give me REAL candy." Apparently fake candy was not worth using up a thank you. Maybe his thank yous are limited. I mean if he has only a certain amount, it was probably a good decision not to waste them on your Mom, pretending to give you candy. Better save those thank yous for the real thing. The kids is a friggin' genius or just a huge asshole.

Dumbass

2007-06-12T10:06:00.000-05:00

All out to dinner with the kids and this is how it goes....

(little tubs of butter conveniently placed in front of Emily for easy access)
Me: Emily, I think three tubs of butter is enough, please stop
Emily: okay
Ethan: YA Dumb ass!

Ahhhhhhh, it is moments like these that I know I am doing my duty as a parent. Even at the young age of three, Ethan recognizes the fact that you do not just sit and eat butter out of tubs.