Poop, Paxil, and Pageantry

Today is National Pervert (In the good fun loving way) Day. Really!!!! Okay, not really, but it should be. My kids are total pervs. Steven grabs boobies, which is only going to be funny for another year or so. I mean, no body wants some little kindergarten kid grabbing their tits. Well, at least they shouldn't. Ethan likes to hang on to his weenie like it is a handle. Of course all the males in my house do. So I suppose that isn't saying much. Well, to all you pervs (and I do not mean pedophiles, you nasty sick fuckers) I say oorah!!!!

Emily loves to take a shower....the boys, not to much. They are both fraidy cats and do not like having the water get on their faces. Emily can not get enough of it, which means I never shower alone. I really do not mind because it is like having a little slave in the shower. "Emily, get the shampoo" "Emily, pop that ingrown hair on mommy's ass" OKay, the last one is not true, but it was funny. Yesterday, I was dealing with some serious unexplained nausea and wanted a shower when Clint got home from work. Littlebit and I headed off to the bathroom for our "relaxing" shower. As I took my clothes off, Emily reminded me of how observant she has becojme. "Mommy" she said "When I grow big, I will have hair on my vagina too". Yes, yes you will. Ah.....out of the mouths of babes. This morning, I again felt myself beaming with pride when my same sweet little shower buddy threw up all over the stairs. Let me tell you something. There are day...

Have you tried to call? Only getting my voice mail? Well, could be because I had to fish my damn phone out of a big ol' glass of ice water. Yes, the little devil (Ethan) has taken to dropping things in my ice water. This time it was something a little pricier then a pair of plastic barrettes. So, guess what that means....Clint gets a new phone. I figure he should get the new one and I will take his old one. I can't have anything nice. You should see the remote. The original remote for the television also went for a little swim. We had to move on to a universal remote, which luckily I had up in the closet. Then my "special" guy, broke the back of it off so now we have the ever incredible duct tape holding it together. Ahhhhhhh....we are so high class.

Last night I made dinner Clint's way. I do not know if any of you have ever had the oatmel vs. rice debate, but we have that in our home. My mom made meatloaf with oatmeal and my husband makes it with rice. In order to make the man happy, I made it his way last night. I really think he finds either way equally good. I mean I know I enjoyed the big piece of meat.

Poor Damn Clint. This is the second time he has had the oppotunity to ride in a blackhawk and it has fallen through. I'll be damned if on the frist day of spring we have a damn winter snow. He was supposed to fly around in a blackhawk with General Cody, the Vice Chief of Staff of the Army . He will still get to meet General Cody, but they will be cruising in a van. Damn the luck. Well, I guess at least I do not have to worry as much....shit that is wrong......they could slide off the road. I love snow, but I hate shitty weather.

Okay, I have been very busy. I have always sold stuff on ebay, but I now have a new goal. I plan on making enough money to make Clint's student loan payment every month and send a payment to pay off my beautiful darlings back in Texas (they know who they are). I am considering putting a link on my blog to all my crap I will be selling. I have yet to decide. I mean would it do any good? I really would like to get out of the army debt free. That would give us such a grand start back to the civilian world. So, do not forget Clint has a student loan button on his site. Dasm, what a cheap plug. Last night, I was lucky enough to be visited by a couple of friends from home. It was so great. Melanie and Michelle are two super sweet girls. I had such a wonderful time sitting and shooting the shit with them. I really can not wait to move back to Texas. Happy Saint Patrick's Day!!!!!!! What are your big plans? I tell you what, if I did not have children, I would be already haing some blo...

Ever been? Well, in my outings to help Amy decorate the newly furnished rooms in her house, I have been introduced to Gordmans. Oh what a store. I love it. It is so much fun. We bought some fake palms, a couple of pieces to hang in the livingroom and then a few cute little wall hangings for her daughter's room. Oh yeah she also found an absolutely adorable lamp for 24 dollars. Yes, you read that right. twent four dollars. It is so nice. I can not wait to show some photos of the finished project.

You know, I am very happy for the guy that he has lost some weight, but do you think he maybe should have noticed when he was knoocking on 300 pounds door? Patrick, Patrick Deuel .....I am glad you are on the road to recovery, but guy.....did you give any consideration to what your medical care is goign to cost other people? Maybe when you are done you could do some volunteer work to help the hospital offset some of its costs. Maybe your wife could do some transcribing. Maybe they could donate the excess skin to science to do tests on or for burn victims. These are the 12x....yes, 12x pants he wore before losing a little over 500 pounds. Wow, that means he lost 4 and 1/2 Katys. Holy Shit!!!! Good luck Patrick.

I am REALLY going to try to improve the look of my blog. Wish me luck and feel free to add comments. If I really like you, I will give you my user name and password and you can just do it.

Okay, those of you who have children are aware of what that and of course gravity does to tits. Well, I am!!!! I have been so sad with all the super cute tops I can not wear because the girls will not cooperate. I have the solution. Clear friggin' straps on a bra that holds the girls up where they need to be. I have got to have one. I must. I must first sell one of the kids so I can afford the $48.00. Damn, it sucks being poor. You have got to love Victoria's Secret. This here bra is called the VERY SEXY CONVERTIBLE PUSH UP. Oh, and just in case some rich person comes by and takes pity on me, I wear a 34B. Yes, B!!! It stands for barely boobs!!!! bwahhahahahaha damn, I crack myself up. Oh, and that is me with a wig modeling the bra. *wink*wink*

I spent several nights helping my friend Amy spend her money. Yes, I have lived vicariously through her. She and her husband decided it was time to get new furniture for their house. I got to help decorate the Ivie house. It was so fun picking out furniture and decorating rooms without the pain of spending my own money. Not that I have any, mind you. WE managed to furnish three rooms in her house. Talk about so much fun. We did go to one place that was horrible. It looked like they had picked up all the bulk trash from around post and set it up in their "showroom". We bought nothing there. The salesman was sdhay and the furniture was shitty. Oh, while we shopped for furniture, Clint kept my three children and Amy's youngest. She rewarded him for his hard work with 18 holes of golf . I say that was a damn good trade for Clint. Saturday, she and I went to a spa where Clint had gotten a gift certificate for me for Valentines Day. I had the worst massage ever. It felt like ...

Little man in the hospital, looking so cute and pathetic all at the same time. Amy and I....she is only 26 and damn do I look old. I am really not digging this aging thing. I think it sucks giant elephant balls. Daddy and the babies made me a cupcake cake for my birthday. Did I mention I was trying to cut back on my refined sugars? Did I mention I am getting old and want to stay in shape? Dammit, noone listens to me. The cupcake swere super delicious. Well, I had to eat them. It would ahve been just plain rude.

This is a test. Can you see it? Can you watch it? It is a year and a half old....but worth being the test subjest.

I did not forget I have just been busy. I have however forgotten who sent what. Whomever sent this photo is the totally awesome winner of the poop, paxill and pageantry photo contest. Please remind me who sent it and e-mail me your address so I might send you your lovely parting gift.