Poop, Paxil, and Pageantry

I have often wondered when the entertaining conversations with my children would stop. Well, I am pretty sure the answer to that question is NEVER! The kids were playing camping. To set up the scene, they were all on the bottom bunk with a blanket hanging over from the top bunk, all the lights off, and handy dandy flashlights in their hands. All seemed well and good until all three came out to ask about a bump found in Ethan's belly button. I closely examined it and then reassure them it was merely a mole (skin tag). Of course I did start to wonder how they found this thing while "camping". The three of them explained that they had been playing doctor and discovered during an examination. Okay, okay. They all have their clothes on so I see no harm in the situation. Awhile later, Steven asked me what the slimy green stuff was in Ethan's nose. Mom: Well honey, he has a little bit of a cold. that is snot. Steven: Oh that is gross. Mom: Yes, yes it is pretty dang gross. S...

We were shopping at Lowes today. The best place in the world to buy presents for Big Daddy. Ethan and Emily were like flies on shit finding presents for Dad, Steven....not so much. He proceeded to tell me all the stores we would have to shop at until he found just the right gift for Dad. Emily suggested a ceiling fan, which of course was unacceptable. "We already have plenty of those!!!" Steven replied. After I turned down the PS3, at the fourth store, he finally settled on.........well, I can't tell you. Clint does read the stupid shit I write on here sometimes. Oh a little p.s. Ethan bought Grandma Claire a snowman that poops candy. When Emily explained that Grandma Claire was too old for the Hannah montana makeup he originally picked out, he moved on to the pooping candy snowman. That kid would not be swayed. Hope she likes it. HEHEHEHE

We are busy putting up Christmas lights when Steven comes to ask us a few questions. The conversation went like this: Steven " Uh what's that guy's name? You know God's son..." Me "You mean Jesus?" Steven "Ya, him. Is he a zombie?" Me "Excuse me?" Steven "Well, he died and then came back, so is he a zombie?" Me "No, no Jesus is not a zombie" I am wondering if this is a sign to either get them immediately into bible school or NEVER put them in bible school.

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Please people, no comments on the fancy linoleum that we have in our house. It's a rental already. Just pay attention to those heels. I love them. Hubba Hubba Hubba!!!! Oh and P.S. I think we will go remarkably unaffected by IKE, but those poor people down at the coast and good grief even in Louisiana. They are all in our prayers.

I just got these new heels and man o man they are hot. I need to take a picture and post them. I am now just looking for the occasion to wear them. Maybe tomorrow when I am getting al the laundry done and the kitchen mopped. Oh man, I could have worn them today at the grocery store. They are are HOT I tell you.

So, Ike is heading this way and has pretty much screwed us out of a camping trip this weekend. You know IKE is going to be a son of a bitch, I mean wasn't it IKE TURNER who beat the hell out of MS. TINA TURNER? I think there is a chance we may be camping at home. They are predicting 50 mph winds here in San Antonio and the possibility of no power for the weekend. What? You mean I will not have a TV to babysit my children. Well, shit. Of course Clint will probably have to work the entire time because apparently the railroad has a lot of shit to fix when a hurricane comes barreling through breaking crossings and other equipment. So, me the kids and no TV? OH SHIT!!!!! I AM FREAKING OUT!!!! I LOVE TV!!!

I am so bad about my blog now that I have a MYSPACE. What a naughty little imp. I woke up this morning with the most horrible pain in my back. I never have really had severe back pain before and this is really awful. It feels like someone shortened the muscles in my back and if I could just shorten myself, it would not hurt anymore. Clint says that is a pulled muscle. DAMMIT!!! We are into our second week of school here at home and the kids are just sucking in everything I throw at them I swear it is an amazing thing to see them learn things right in front of you. I enjoy when that sparkle of recognition passes through their eyes as they wrap their minds around new concepts. It really brings me so much joy. We are supposed to head out for a camping trip this weekend with the in-laws. Of course we are watching IKE with baited breath, completely unsure how it will affect our plans. (Did I use the right one there? Or is it effect? Shit I can not remember the rule.)

I had the most wonderful weekend. Clint and I did a little home organizing on Saturday and then a bunch of pool time. Then yesterday...nothing baby!!! I lounged in the pool, did some word finds and read. Home Organizing: We have zero pantry space. I need to see my food and I need it to be easily accessible and very well organized. We bought a cheapo pantry awhile back and had it in the garage. The problem with that is we live in Texas and the garage gets ridiculously hot so I decided to move it into the "eat in" kitchen area. Of course our eat in kitchen is so friggin' small, there was no way we were going to put a table and chairs there, so we originally had a little antique craftsman desk there. Out went the desk, in came the pantry. Then we decided we might need a few small bookcases to sit under the window for more storage. While at Lowes, we found these white cabinets. Well, white cabinets did not match the brown pantry so we then HAD to buy a new white pantry. So no...

I really should not have even opened this laptop. It has a tendency to suck me in. I have a shit ton of stuff I want to get done today. Attach flowers to Emily's curtain Put collector stuff on Emily's shelf Go to store Workout Swim with the kids Put away two weeks of laundry Finish school shopping for my niece and nephew Shop for an area rug for Emily's room Clean the kitchen 1, 2, 7 and 9 are done. I wonder what the chances are that I will actually complete the other stuff. I was chatting with Rhianna last night and she asked me if I knew what the kids were going to be for Halloween. Are you kidding me girl? She already has patterns and material. I hate her. So, I guess I need to add that to my list of stuff to do. I want to just order 5 mullet wigs and have the entire family dress up as some good old fashioned 1980s white trash. You know with the bubba teeth and all.

We have all survived the dreaded stomach virus. It looked Clint and Were going to come out completely unscathed, until early Saturday morning when I began to piss out my ass and vomit like there was no more tomorrow. Luckily, it did last only one day and I was able to enjoy Sunday with friends and family. We started off trying to remedy the cloudy mess we call a swimming pool. Of course being the white trash we are, that did not stop us from getting in and swimming. My friend Tara showed up just in time to not only wiggle Emily's loose tooth as she was heading into the pool, but give it a little tug and pull it out. So needless to say, we had to stop for a photo op. I mean this is only the second tooth so it is still exciting and new. The boys are showing no signs of loosing any teeth any time soon. While Tara and her new "not yet a boyfriend" Kenny were over, Clint grilled up some bacon wrapped scallops. OH MY FRIGGIN GOD!!!! They were so divine. He followed that up with...

I thought we were done. I thought we had made it to the light at the end of the tunnel. Apparently it was just a friggin ' check point. Emily woke us up at about 3:30 this morning to let us know that she had puked in her bed. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee .....I am having so much fun!!! I know, I know. I still look so hot...UGH!!!!! The good thing is that Emily is a really good patient and of course a good audience for my humor....even when she is sick. She sucks the attention up like a camel led to water. She had just finished puking and was grinning from ear to ear over all the pampering she was getting. She is so my child. Sometimes I wonder if my Mom made it back in her...................... This is my sick. vomiting children set up. I just pull a mattress into the living room so I do not have to keep getting in and out of bed. I cover their pillows with towels so I can just scoop them up if they do not get it all in their little red buckets and of course I have my laptop for the...

RIP Randy Pausch I am not sure if many of you have heard or watched THE LAST LECTURE on Youtube or on TV, but the speaker Randy Pausch died Friday, finally succumbing to Pancreatic Cancer. Clint and I both have read his book and felt almost as if we had grown to know his family. We are saddened by the loss and send our prayers to his family. I have no right to feel as sad as I do, he was not my husband, brother or uncle, but he touched our hearts so deeply. He shared himself and his family in such an emotionally charged time in their lives and .....well.....I am sad for them and for all of us who are now left with only his memory and his profound words. He has allowed me to realize that each and every day is a gift and a learning experience. If you have not read his book, I recommend you do.

Last night around 9pm, Steven began throwing up. Then at about 11 pm Ethan started throwing up. they have both been throwing up about every 20 0r t30 minutes since. I have done a gazillion loads of laundry. Seems that small children are not always the best about getting up and barfing in the toilet. I have now resorted to a mattress in the living room, three buckets (the third is for Emily who is now complaining of an upset tummy) and a lot of towels. Neither boy has even been able to keep Sprite down. We did have a bit of a lull between 5:20 and 6:10 this morning. I managed to fall asleep sometime in there. So I have not been up quite 24 hours....UGH!!!! I am pretty sure I will be a zombie when Clint gets home this afternoon. On the bright side, Clint is now home, so I will have a relief pitcher on deck.

I am having a love hate relationship with all the rain we have gotten the last two days. It is good for the aquifer , it is great for the yards, it lowers the electricity consumption at the Stein house (cooler temps), it filled the pool and it washed the car. Now on the flip side , we are stuck indoors. The kids and I are now suffering from cabin fever. Clint is still gone in hurricane ville dealing with Dolly's aftermath and I am here dealing with three children stricken with indooritis . I am on my third viewing of CAMP ROCK . I am now suffering with a little school girl crush on the JONAS BROTHERS . I need some sunshine and some adult interaction. Preferably the kind that shows up at my door because I also have a slight case of Hermititis .

I was walking with six kids in front of the Witte Museum. It was Free on Tuesday afternoons and with six kids (my three and the visiting three) I needed some free entertainment. So, we are heading to get in line and I walk past this tall drink of water. She looked familiar and man, she was so pretty. Then I saw three beautiful girls. They also looked familiar. OH MY GOD!!!! It was Rhianna ( from a Texas Abroad ) and her girls. Let me tell you, pictures do not do this group justice. They are more beautiful then I expected. Rhianna was visiting family and they too were in line for some free entertainment. You know great minds think alike. I am thrilled to finally get to meet her in person and am sorry I did not have more free time to really hang out with the girl. I did get a picture of us though. Oh and just so you know, she is leaning over so I do not look quite as short as I would have looked. I am not kidding when I tell you that Rhianna is one tall drink of water.

Someone in my neighborhood (really, one of my close neighbors) has unleashed their hound of hell on me. It sounds like a 5 pound hound. Every damn morning at about 6:00 am, the friggin' yipping begins. It has been going non-stop until I am awake and plotting it's death and it has awaken my children. With Clint gone, I am unable to sleep well anyways. Remember I am a big big baby. Last night, I was able to fall asleep about 3:00 am or so. Of course at 6:00 am that dog began to yip and yap. I am afraid if this continues, I will have to murder either the dog or the owner. I do not do well without sleep. I mean I had to resort to Paxil when my children were babies. I am sure that had nothing to do with any kind of PostPartum Depression and everything to do with lack of sleep. Hey, shut up!!! It's my blog. I can be full of shit if I want to.

So Clint is now in Brownsville. They should be done with the crossings sometime after midnight. Yes, just in time to shake hands and introduce themselves to Dolly. Oh and they may even get to see some failing levees. See down there at the tip of Texas? Right there where it meets Mexico? You see it? Oh you don't? It is right where that hurricane is heading. See it now? That is where my husband is at!!!!

I know I should not even complain, but it's my blog and I can say and feel whatever I want. So poop on you. Clint had to go out of town again. I mean, I know he is not in Iraq this time and I am not jumping every time I hear a car door or freaking out and watching the news obssesively but I do still miss him terribly. He is off to Brownsville to do something or other for the railroad in anticipation of Dolly. There is one positive that is coming out of these short little trips he takes out of town......I have gained a wee bit of independence. I have always had roommates, boyfriends, girlfriends or parents living with me and never really had to deal with the little bumps in the night. I also have learned to entertain myself. yes, In my thirties and I now can live without a playmate 24/7. Ahhhhhhhh, look at Katy acting like a big girl.

The kids and I have been enjoying the shit out of the 13ft above ground pool sitting in our backyard. We are swimming several times a day. We have an established routine for when we are ready to go back inside. My little troops take off their swimsuits, wrap in a towel and then go inside. I wrap myself in a towel and take my suit off and hang it outside with the kids' suits. Yesterday I dropped my towel on the way to dress. You should have seen the children's' faces. It was as if someone had just unveiled a giant pinata filled with the world's supply of candy. They began to squeal and scream to each other that they could see "mommy's butt" and to "spank it, spank it". I ran for dear life to my bathroom while still under their hasty pursuit. I am afraid now that I am rearing a bunch of little perverts.

We received a post card from Clint's parents after their visit to Mount Rushmore, which began the impromptu lesson in politics. We discussed who the presidents on Mount Rushmore were. This lead to a discussion of the current president and then to the candidates for president. After our discussion, I turned to Emily and jokingly asked who she thought should be elected in November. She quickly and without a flash of doubt in her mind responded "George Obaca". Maybe he is the Bi-Partisan candidate that could unite the Democrats and Republicans.

Over the hills and through the woods to the gyno office I go. I really hate going to see the gyno. I guess no one really likes it, but having my mother die at the age of 50 from breast cancer always gives me a wee bit of anxiety. I do have a big old list of stuff to ask her this time. Dr. Skop can thank Oprah for my huge list of questions. She had her gyno on the show. Let me tell you if you did not see it (ladies....well guys may find the info useful as well) you gotta watch it. It was amazing the stuff I did not know...I mean I am 34 for shit's sake. I guess we are always learning something new.

The story starts with the 200 dollar above ground pool we bought. Clint and I had his sister's kids coming for a visit and knew that there was no way we could afford to take six kids and two adults out and about for a week, hence the pool. Now another important piece of information to the story is that my kids were scheduled to start swim lessons (57 bucks a kid for 8 lessons) while the kids were visiting but I never got a confirmation from the lady at Schertz pool ( poopie head). Ethan was in the pool with his cousin Bo (8 years old). Bo was able to get Ethan to start going under water. Of course I clapped and oohed and ahhhed appropriately. I made everyone else come out and cheer for Ethan as well. This of course made Emily jealous, so she had to get in the pool as well. She got in the pool and would not turn loose of the side. She kept crying about how scared she was. Well, in about five minutes, Bo had Emily swimming half way across the pool while underwater. So I again oohe...

The kids are getting big. Too damn big. I am fighting and fighting this inner turmoil. I want to keep my claws in these kids and not let go. I took a lil baby step and went to check out a charter school for the twins. Of course when we discussed curriculum, it was all a bunch of sit my kids already know. So then I again start the debate. Will they be discipline problems because they already know all the shit the teacher will be teaching? The principle said they would give them alternate work. What does that mean? They will get a coloring book? I want them to be scholastically challenged. I want them to use their minds. I want them to enjoy learning. Clint and I are going to schedule a follow up appointment to get some clarification on what alternate work is. O do not like the elementary school that our address requires. This is what lead me to this charter school. Of course I really do not have a lot to back up my opinion of the school. I guess it is just the surrounding area that mad...

Boring Uhm she sang good....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Awesome SO GOOD I loved it. She is really good. I love her. Maybe it is because she is Irish. I love the Irish. I was not impressed until he sag the chorus. It was lovely. SUCK IT!!!! Go back to Dick's (the gay bar he stripped at) She was not AS bad tonight. I can not believe I said that. She jumps on my nerves. HO-HUM he sings good but I was bored. SUCK IT Kristy. You can go back to Dick's too. Bwahahahahaha Poor thing. He was a ball o nerves and forgot lyrics and was just OFF. And who went home? He needed to go home but really....Kristy Lee Cock....oops I mean Cook should really have gone first.

Poor Kady sang her goodbye song so bad, I actually felt pretty bad for her. I know Luke really was not that good but he was so sweet. I hate to see his heart breaking. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh . Asia'H got sent home over Kristy. What a crock. I mean she is not all that great but she was waaaaaaay better then Kristy. I loved her hair straight. What? What does the world have against the queen. Ahhhhh man he was entertaining but I am not sure we are ready for a queen idol that is not actually a girl. I hated to see her cry it kind of choked me up.

Ahhhhhh Luke, you strike me as a really nice guy and it breaks my heart to see you suck. I mean that was the best you have eve done, but still sucked!! He is so very good. I want to download him singing that damn Phil Collins song to my Ipod . This girl is F I E R C E. He is such a queen and I love it. I hate all the Emo crap though. I wish he would just grow his hair longer, slap on some makeup and be a girl already. I mean he is adorable. That being said, I did not feel like he did very well this week. Stripper boy sang some Celine Dion. I swear he was channeling her or something. I am not sure if it is because I now know he was a stripper at a gay bar, but I find him a bit spicy now. I was disappointed. I love that dang song from THE BREAKFAST CLUB and I felt like he did not quite measure up. I also was so friggin ' aggravated when Randy implied it was done by INXS . It is Simple Minds you dumbass . That was the second friggin ' time that jackass got the artist wrong. WTF...