Poop, Paxil, and Pageantry

We have one more week of school here, yet my children have already disconnected the brain switch. I hate to tell them but we will home school throughout the summer. Luckily for them we can get our work done in less then two hours with only three kids and of course the fact that I sneak projects in throughout our everyday activities. Ethan decided he is exempt from the school dress ode because school is almost out and the daughter has jumped on that band wagon. I decided to let it slide. I figure a cute little t-shirt isn't going to ruin any one's grades, they were all turned in on the 24Th, so we will see if I get a call from the school. So today's little golden nugget of delight is brought to you by Ethan. Mom:Ethan, quit messing with your business. Go to your room if you want to do that. Ethan: I am not messing with it, it hurts. It feels like I am going to bleed when I pee. Mom: Oh honey, I am sorry but you will have to go to your Dad. He is in charge of penises. I handl...

I was considering a new layout, a new title, well just an overall new feel to my blog. I mean some things have changed since I first started recording my thoughts and feelings of the going ons in my everyday life. Well, I am no longer taking Paxil and well, crap.....I think that is it. I thought the poop was really no longer an issue as well until this week. Someone decided that an oopsie poopsie was not something they might share with their mother. You know the lady who does the laundry. I was blessed with the joy, upon removing clean clothes form the laundry, an overwhelming smell of shit. Yep, SHIT!!!! I had almost all the clothes in the dryer and noticed a wad, a ball, a massive roll of poop. Apparently someone had pooped enough in their underwear and then just snuck it into the dirty laundry. GROSS!!!! I mean really?!?!?!? You don't think you might have at least given me a heads up so that I could pre-clean the undies. Man, boys are so gross!

“Mirror, mirror on the wall, I am my mother after all.” While growing up, I had a bit of knack and flare for the dramatics. I often feigned illness to keep from having to do things I did not want to do or to merely miss school because I did not feel like going. My mother quickly caught on to my game and after a bought of “asthma” Mom rushed me to the ER because I was certain I could not breath and was going to die. On the way to the hospital my mother threatened me with near death beatings should by some chance the doctor not find something wrong with me. Well, low and behold, there was nothing wrong with me. Thankfully, my darling mother chose to not follow through this time with what I was sure was going to be one of the worst beatings of all time. I do not remember to this day if I was ever punished but the fear still remains. On the way to taking little miss Emily to the doctor; I too began the Mommy rant. She was suddenly unable to hear us, but only part of the time, she was not r...

When I was a young girl, I was always suffering from some "ailment". I am pretty sure it was for attention. Of course the attention was often a spanking for being such a giant pain in the ass and after a trip to the doctor, the diagnosis was an attention whore. Well I'll be damned, my chickens are coming home to roost. They are coming home, pecking me in my ass, and then shitting on my head. Emily has a doctors appointment thia morning because she is certain that she cannot hear. I believe that her eras are clogged, but not that she is permantly going deaf. Dear god help me if she is because that will mean I actually have to get up off my ass wen I need her for something and can not just yell for her. UGH!!! This could be problematic either way. If my Mom were still alive, I am certain she would be attending all htese appointments with me just for the sheer joy of pointing and laughing at me. I mean really, if it wasn;t happening to me, I too would be pointing and laughin...

So, I am chatting away with my cousin and Ethan decides he is going to interrupt. I pull out the Mom finger which he knows means "you are being a rude ass, wait until I am done talking". He follows the law of the Mom finger and stands there waiting for me to finish pontificating. When I finally finish, I turn to my youngest son, my baby, my little love man, my bubby and the little turd looks at me completely exasperated and says "Well, you talk so much I forgot what I was going to say!" Ahhhhhhh, out of the mouths of babes...smart ass babes, babes who need to be banished to the land of "No making fun of Mommy, even if you do not realize you are".

So I am in love with my Facebook, which may be one of the reasons I have a hard time keeping up with my blog anymore. Well anyways, there is some ladies I found on Facebook, Frugal Girls , They also have their own website that I think everyone who shops, breaths, or lives....uhm pretty much everyone should bookmark. It does have mostly things for the ladies, but there is dude stuff too. AWESOME!!!! So these Frugal Girls turned me onto another really great website that I want to recommend and I am not a big recommender. It is called Vocalpoint . Check it out.

Oh what a weekend. Steven managed to break his DS that he received for Christmas. What is that, less than two months? Are you kidding me? He was mad at the game and pretty much beat the screen with the stylus. He then tried to lie and say he dropped. Lucky for me his Daddy is video game savvy . I would have fallen for his sob story hook line a sinker. I did tell him that we were not buying him a new one. He would have to save his money. Of course the water works started again. His sweet brother and sister offered up all their saved money to help him buy a new one. He immediately started adding up the dough. No thank you to his siblings. I told him how nice it was of them and he should thank them. He did but it was so not a genuine thanks you. I could feel my blood boiling. He then admitted he would not do the same for them. STRIKE TWO...butt head!!! Oh and then later I he had a fit because Emily and Ethan had games to play and he didn't. OH HELL NO!!!! So out it came. I had no con...

Really?!?!?! You have got to be kidding me. My three hundred dollar, shelter cat who is still having to go for monthly vet visits has a knot in her throat. Man, I love this cat but how much more does she have to go through? Now she won't eat and there is a damn knot in her neck. UGH!!!!!!!!!! I just want to love my kitty, Dammit.

One of my nephews recently had a serious scare after we found out that at the age of 15 he had spent the majority of his life only pooping once or twice a week. He got very sick and has to completely change much of his eating habits. This of course freaked me out, so I have spent the last few weeks grilling my kids about their poop. HAHAHAHAHA I bet they are loving it. Of course every time they come out of the bathroom I have been asking "did you poop". I just want to know to be sure that all this fruit I shove down their throats is really working. Well, yesterday I asked Ethan " Did you poop?" He responded honestly "yes, but there is a piece stuck in my butt." It took all I had not to laugh because then he will never tell me anything again for fear I might make fun of him. Man, being a parent is hard. You cant just laugh at these little monkeys all the time because they have feelings and stuff.

I love me some Asian folks. I really find their culture fascinating. Thai, Chinese, Vietnamese, Japanese....I love the food. Oh and I love how much they love our culture. Our family was honored to ride a mule drawn wagon in the Steer Herding through the streets of downtown San Antonio . Pretty sure the kids and I were famous by the end of the parade. Well, we at least felt like we were famous. Okay, so I digress. While the wagons were hooking up and loading up, a lovely Asian couple (obviously tourists from another country) were walking through the staging grounds. Not only could they not stop smiling but they were so friendly and just down right thrilled by the happenings around them. The people in the staging area were all dressed in what was authentic 1800s cowboy outfits , civil war uniforms, Native American dress (I wouldn't say costumes because they are so much more then that), and just modern day cowboy garb. Well that Asian couple loved every minute of it and the cowbo...

My friend Liz called me today. She was a tad concerned because her son got in trouble at school for choking another little boy from his kindergarten class while they were in the bathroom. She was unsure of all the circumstances, but I happened to be experienced in the choking field. Ethan has gotten in trouble twice in the last week or so for pretending to choke his brother. I may have to take blame for this situation because sometimes I will tell them "you are driving me crazy, come here and let me choke you" Of course that is followed by me pretending to choke my children. God, now that I am typing this I should maybe tell them that discussing that kind of playing around at school is not a good idea. We may end up with a situation like Liz is in or as I sit here and imagine...."My Mom likes to choke me if I am bothering her" LMAO.....oh my goodness. I can just see a visit from child protective services in my future. Okay, so back to Liz. She was a little worked up...

So this woman at the mall was busy texting on her phone and ended up falling in the fountain. Hello dumb ass?!?!?! I am pretty sure that is your fault. I heard on the news however that she intends on suing the mall. Are you frigging kidding me. What an idiot. Just own your stupidity and make the best of it. Good Morning America just said that two people in New York were killed because they were texting. Really?!?!?! I mean people really?!?!?! How retarded do you have to be to not realize that if you are not paying attention you become a target and can have an accident. I just wonder how much more legislation will be necessary because of peoples' lack of common sense. UGH!!!!!!

Most people I have spoken with seem to think that "boys will be boys" and sibling violence is totally normal. My husband doesn't seem to be disturbed, but the pretend choking really makes me nervous. Am I going to have to try Dr. Phil again? I mean, I know he did not write me back years ago when Steven became the shit Picasso. At that time I was sure this was a sign that hes was going to be a serial killer. Now, I have Ethan who solves his problems by "pretend" choking his brother. I am pretty sure this is my fault because I pretend to choke them ALL the time. I hate when they copy my behavior and then I find it disturbing. SHIT!!! This parenting gig is kind of hard.

We have all heard the mysteries of the missing socks at the end of laundry day. You start doing laundry with ALL the dirty clothes and as you begin to sort and fold, you find socks are missing. No one knows where they go to or if they will ever return. I am however certain no one has heard of the yard that eats socks. Apparently that is my yard. The children all head out to the trampoline to burn off some after school energy (which is an entirely different story). The three of them are fully clothed with both shoes and socks. When they return, forty-five minutes later, there is a sock missing. They claim to have looked everywhere for it. Of course that in and of itself is a lie when it comes out of a child. They always say they have looked "everywhere" when in reality they opened the door, looked out, didn't immediately see it, therefore it is lost. I wonder if I should consider buying stock in a sock company. Much like death and taxes......we will always be buying new so...

So I was looking back throughout the history of my blog and realized how much it really helped keep me focused, keep things in perspective, and was a true stress reliever. This realization has made led me to the decision to give this baby a more concentrated effort. I am almost certain I will not be merely as funny, but the kids might be. The potty humor might be gone since I no longer see the crap of three other human beings on a regular basis, but the other things they do now can be amusing, frustrating, but mostly just down right hilarious. I doubt at this point anyone even reads my blog anymore since I only posted once in a blue moon, but I feel it is necessary to include this warning before I get started again. Important facts to know before reading this blog I cuss. Sometimes I cuss a lot. Sometimes I say offensive things. If you find this offensive, don't read my blog. I am full of opinions. They are my opinions and are in no way endorsed by anyone. You do not have to agree ...