Poop, Paxil, and Pageantry

I love me some Asian folks. I really find their culture fascinating. Thai, Chinese, Vietnamese, Japanese....I love the food. Oh and I love how much they love our culture. Our family was honored to ride a mule drawn wagon in the Steer Herding through the streets of downtown San Antonio . Pretty sure the kids and I were famous by the end of the parade. Well, we at least felt like we were famous. Okay, so I digress. While the wagons were hooking up and loading up, a lovely Asian couple (obviously tourists from another country) were walking through the staging grounds. Not only could they not stop smiling but they were so friendly and just down right thrilled by the happenings around them. The people in the staging area were all dressed in what was authentic 1800s cowboy outfits , civil war uniforms, Native American dress (I wouldn't say costumes because they are so much more then that), and just modern day cowboy garb. Well that Asian couple loved every minute of it and the cowbo...

My friend Liz called me today. She was a tad concerned because her son got in trouble at school for choking another little boy from his kindergarten class while they were in the bathroom. She was unsure of all the circumstances, but I happened to be experienced in the choking field. Ethan has gotten in trouble twice in the last week or so for pretending to choke his brother. I may have to take blame for this situation because sometimes I will tell them "you are driving me crazy, come here and let me choke you" Of course that is followed by me pretending to choke my children. God, now that I am typing this I should maybe tell them that discussing that kind of playing around at school is not a good idea. We may end up with a situation like Liz is in or as I sit here and imagine...."My Mom likes to choke me if I am bothering her" LMAO.....oh my goodness. I can just see a visit from child protective services in my future. Okay, so back to Liz. She was a little worked up...

So this woman at the mall was busy texting on her phone and ended up falling in the fountain. Hello dumb ass?!?!?! I am pretty sure that is your fault. I heard on the news however that she intends on suing the mall. Are you frigging kidding me. What an idiot. Just own your stupidity and make the best of it. Good Morning America just said that two people in New York were killed because they were texting. Really?!?!?! I mean people really?!?!?! How retarded do you have to be to not realize that if you are not paying attention you become a target and can have an accident. I just wonder how much more legislation will be necessary because of peoples' lack of common sense. UGH!!!!!!

Most people I have spoken with seem to think that "boys will be boys" and sibling violence is totally normal. My husband doesn't seem to be disturbed, but the pretend choking really makes me nervous. Am I going to have to try Dr. Phil again? I mean, I know he did not write me back years ago when Steven became the shit Picasso. At that time I was sure this was a sign that hes was going to be a serial killer. Now, I have Ethan who solves his problems by "pretend" choking his brother. I am pretty sure this is my fault because I pretend to choke them ALL the time. I hate when they copy my behavior and then I find it disturbing. SHIT!!! This parenting gig is kind of hard.

We have all heard the mysteries of the missing socks at the end of laundry day. You start doing laundry with ALL the dirty clothes and as you begin to sort and fold, you find socks are missing. No one knows where they go to or if they will ever return. I am however certain no one has heard of the yard that eats socks. Apparently that is my yard. The children all head out to the trampoline to burn off some after school energy (which is an entirely different story). The three of them are fully clothed with both shoes and socks. When they return, forty-five minutes later, there is a sock missing. They claim to have looked everywhere for it. Of course that in and of itself is a lie when it comes out of a child. They always say they have looked "everywhere" when in reality they opened the door, looked out, didn't immediately see it, therefore it is lost. I wonder if I should consider buying stock in a sock company. Much like death and taxes......we will always be buying new so...

So I was looking back throughout the history of my blog and realized how much it really helped keep me focused, keep things in perspective, and was a true stress reliever. This realization has made led me to the decision to give this baby a more concentrated effort. I am almost certain I will not be merely as funny, but the kids might be. The potty humor might be gone since I no longer see the crap of three other human beings on a regular basis, but the other things they do now can be amusing, frustrating, but mostly just down right hilarious. I doubt at this point anyone even reads my blog anymore since I only posted once in a blue moon, but I feel it is necessary to include this warning before I get started again. Important facts to know before reading this blog I cuss. Sometimes I cuss a lot. Sometimes I say offensive things. If you find this offensive, don't read my blog. I am full of opinions. They are my opinions and are in no way endorsed by anyone. You do not have to agree ...