Poop, Paxil, and Pageantry

Last night, all was well in the Stein house (other then the nasty gas seeping from my bodacious booty). I got up this morning, worked on my village newsltter.....uhm yah, that's about it. Clint got home at lunch and I decided to clean the babies cage. Imagine my shock when Quincy is laying at the bottom of the cage dead. HOLY APE FUCKING SHIT BATMAN!!!! The kids were shocked. Steven (being the sensitive one) alreday seemed to grasp the concept after a quick explanation. He said he was very sad that Quincy was dead and would miss him. Emily on the other hand needed a bit more. This is what she got: Columbia University Press Defines Death as: death, cessation of all life (metabolic) processes. Death may involve the organism as a whole (somatic death) or may be confined to cells and tissues within the organism. Causes of death in human beings include injury, acute or chronic disease, and neoplasia (cancer). The physiological death of cells that are normally replaced throughout life is...

I am a big fan of Blogexplosion. It has fun games and it is a great place to read other blogs on many other subjects. Well, They have a new free counter that also tracks your stats. The best part, in the stat tracker, you can find what searches brought people to you. All I am going to say....some of you are welcome and some of you are dirty. dirty birds. Here is a list of some of the phrases used to find me. hot sexy children dirty fucking&FORM=SSRE2 Are you kidding me? EWWWWWW!!!!!!! cigerettes and breast feeding&srch_type=0&first=11&FORM=PORE UMMMMM the answer is supposed to be no. having three kids&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8 IS hell.....pure hell. I had never seen this blog , but I am on the roll. Go give a visit. Oh, OH, go here too!!!! This search was my absolute favorite. gray pubic hair&btnG=Search Blogs That's right, my blog brought someone in looking for gray pubic hair. What a complimnet.

Congratulations to Christie. She got her blog "done" by Troll Baby !!! Troll Baby has some great pre mades that you could easily order in bulk. I know many of you (alright bitches, myself included could use some professional help.) It is super great and I think goes well with the little muggle's personality.

I did not post on Thursday and I really should have. It was quite a day. I went to the gynecologist. Whoo Hoo. That's right ladies and gentlemen, I has a little plastic submarine inserted into my vagina and a popsicle stick scrapped against my cervix. Oh yes, let us not forget the two finger probe. MMMMMM......That may be my favorite part. Okay, I hope everyone who may come across this knows that I am totally full of shit. My favorite part is having my droopy, fried egg boobs probed for any abnormalities. That is really the best part. So, the outcome....."Your cervix looks great, just keep an eye out for your postcard in the mail." Oh yes, that's right, I have a good looking cervix. Jealous, don't be. It could still be covered in cancerous cells. I won't know until I receive that very personal post card. She also said "your breasts are great." Man, who's fucking standards is she going by. I am pretty sure tits that look like old, sad deflating ba...

Today is a beautiful day. Clint has a going away lunch for a chicky bird at work (glad to see her going) and I get to go. That's right, a friend across the way is going to watch the kids for us. Goodie,goodie gum drops. I get this in an e-mail from my sister in law. I had never really seen this pose in yoga. I think Clint and I may give it a try after lunch. While out, we will also be going to fill out paperwork for the twins to start pre school in August. Yes, I do teach them at home, but they really have a very sheltered life. They need to be exposed to other adults really more then other kids. They are with me ALL the time and have no social skills with adults. Clint and I are hoping this will help them to come out of their shells a bit more. It will also give me a bit more time to focus just on Ethan. He is actually doing pretty damn well having just turned two. He knows all his shapes (including octagon) he can count to ten in English and five in Spanish. I really just need to...

Okay, I decided to play. I am not putting recent sick picture up of me. I will however show myself hard at work helping the infirmed. This is Christmas of 1978 and that is my mother being ever so "patient". Damn, I was cute. I really should have gone into the medical field. I would have been one hot little doctor. A proctologist for sure.

So, I was thinking how fun it would be to have one of these hot little numbers. Anyone want to make some? We could sell them and use the profits toward Clint's student loans. What a win - win deal for me.

I was reading several blogs last night and came across another blog (should have saved the link) that reviews blogs (Could I say blog one more time?). What struck me as funny was the fact that this person credited all mommy blogs to Dooce . I actually started my blog after reading my brothers . A blog mainly about military stuff that is completely over my head. I did however agree with the fact that the Dooce followers are sometimes cultlike. I mean really, how different is her blog from some of the other well written and honestly a bit more entertaining blogs ( Meritt , TKW , etc....). I agreed with the reviewer that her blog was a bit over rated. I mean come on people. You can come to my blog and read about my kids, who by the way, are much funnier and much cuter. You can try to decipher my misspellings and my poor grammar. Oh, and do not forget my 12 year old boy sense of humor. There is really nothing funnier then poop, farts and of course Hubby sitting on the toilet. I guess the...

Since I skipped my Smear, Rachel (ArmyWifeToddlerMom ) tagged me. Still better then a gyno, spread your legs appointment. Four Jobs I've Had in My Life: 1. Cashier at HEB , a grocery store in Texas 2. Asst. manager at one of those places with booths for crafts 3. Glamour shots 4. manager of a restaurant Four Movies I Could Watch Over and Over: 1. Big Fish 2. Scar Face 3. The Harry Potter Movies 4. The Breakfast Club, Ferris Buellar's Day Off I Have Lived: 1. Twentynine Palms, California 2. Oceanside, California 3. Fort Bening, Georgia 4. San Antonio, Texas Four TV Shows I Love to Watch: 1. Desperate Housewives 2. Grey's Anatomy 3. All CSIs but Miami (bad bad over acting) 4. ALL Law and Orders Places I Have Been on Vacation: 1. San Antoino, Texas 2. Springtown, Texas 4. Baltimore, Maryland 5. Port Aransas, Texas (I really do not get out much) Four Websites I Visit Daily: 1. Yahoo...to check my mail 2. My own blog...to be a comment whore 3. Ebay 4. Cat , Meritt , Christie , C...

Okay, so I am supposed to be on my way to my "yearly" exam right now. I cancelled. Shame on me I know. I was due in September. OOPs!!! I just can't seem to get excited about some stranger looking in my vagina, scraping it with a popsicle stick and then feeling me up. Maybe I'll go next month. So. sense I am playing hooky from the doctor, I think I will go ahead and list the pile of stuff I have for ebay. Then I will have extra money to get the kids summer clothes. Whoo Hoo!!!! Oh, and for those of you who wondered if I REALLY thought David Hasselhoff was hot, well of course not. he isn't hairy enough for me. Now Here.... is a really sexy man. Does anyone have any idea hwat exactly that is hanging down? If you know, please let me and the guy from Fugly.com know. We are so very confused.

Heard of him? Well, I had heard of Kinky , but never heard anything about him or anything he had to say. I just watched the guy on 60 Minutes and I love him. Very straight forward and matter of fact. I think I am going to have to do some research, but I am pretty sure he is going tohave the support of the Stein family!!!

I needed a little something to get the blood flowing today. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....... David Hasselhoff Sexy Boyfriend!!!!!

I don't know what it is, but Clint sitting on the toilet is some funny ass shit. He is just so big and the toilet is so small. It reminds me of that commercial for that fake reality show. You know the one where they have to live in the tiny house for a year. I sent all the kids in this morning to laugh with me. Am I scarring them? Well, no one better to scar children then their own parents.

I feel like my brain has dried up and blown away. When did I get so stupid? I can't spell, I can't punctuate, and god forbid I use words grammatically correct. I have just come to the conclusion that I will never be able to work again. Want to know why? Because these little people that live with me (No, not fucking midgits...though I would adopt one in a heartbeat) are sucking any intelligence I had right out of me. When they start school and I am able to be gainfully employed, I will pretty much be brain dead. I will probably have to rig somehting up to keep my eyes open and I will have to wear a bib to absorb the drool. Oh, and do not forget the fact that I can not sneeze, laugh or even fucking hicup without pissing my damn pants. Oh laugh, that is fine. I know it is funny. I just think it would be a hell of a lot more amusing if it wasn't me. Side note: for those of you unaware, I have an obsession with little people. No, not my damn kids, midgits. I don't know why. ...

Christie . She made it possible for all my little links to glitter and be pretty. Thank you Christie !!! I would also like to thank the anonymous commenter on my older brother's site . I have always thought the same thing about him, but I at least am not afraid to reveal my identity. Thank you for the laugh. I would also like to thank those who still manage to check Clint's site . He actually posted!!!!

Do you want to be a big weiner.....oops, I mean winner? Well, here's your chance. We here at Poop, Paxill and Pageantry (yes, I am referring to myself in the plural form.......so!!!) are looking for some pretty funny pictures. The topic is of course Poop, Paxill and Pageantry. Be creative, send them to my e-mail adress, you have until February 14th (when the winner will be announced) and there will actually be a tangible prize. I have no flippin' idea what it is going to be, but it should be well worth the creative effort. Submit as many photos as you would like and please don't make me look like a complete ass.....play.....please.....come on.....surely I have one friend out there who will send me some funny pictures......hello......guys?!?!?!

I was offered a bit of computer help. He looked smart. ( He realy reminds me of my mother here) I soon realized he was not as knowledgable as I originally had hoped. When I told him "Thanks, but no thanks", he was not happy. Do you see what a poor person has to deal with when they can not afford to pay someone to design their blog template?

Okay, I spent A LOT of time trying to figure out how to make my poop picture a background in photoshop. Guess what?!?! I am a total and complete photoshop dumb ass. So, here is the deal. I will continue to still shit from people until someone helps me (since I do not have money in our budget to buy computer experts). I stole this from Meritt , who stole it from Sheri and Suzan. Ten Top Trivia Tips about Katy! Katy was banned from Finland because of not wearing pants. If you toss Katy 10000 times, she will not land heads 5000 times, but more like 4950, because her head weighs more and thus ends up on the bottom! About 100 people choke to death on Katy each year! There is no lead in a lead pencil - it is simply a stick of graphite mixed with Katy and water. Katy is the male seed of a flower blossom which has been gathered and treated by bees! While performing her duties as queen, Cleopatra sometimes dressed up as Katy. Katy can grow up to three feet in a 24 hour period. There are six t...

I don't friggin' know. Go take it and see what you get. We can compare. I stole this from Cori.

I am so friggin' bad ass!!!!!

Totally stolen from WDWN !!!! TOP 25 REASONS WHEN YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT 20 ANYMORE! 1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. 3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed. 5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator. 6. You watch the Weather Channel. 7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and" break up." 8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14. 9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up." 10. You're the one calling the police because "those f**king kids next door won't turn down the stereo". 11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. 12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. 13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up. 14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers. 15. Sleeping on the ...

I got this picture in an e-mail and it made me about fall out of my chair.

Okay, so Old Navy is having this big ass sale, an extra 50% off stuff already on clearance. Of course the stuff on clearance? Winter stuff. I have almost completly clothed three kids for next winter for under a 150 bucks. This includes down winter jackets. All I need to get now are shoes, jammies and a few more pairs of pants and all three are done for next winter. Man, I wish they had summer stuff that cheap. Man, I friggin' rock. Kind of have to of course, being poor and all!!!!!

So here is what I was thinking. I have very smart, cute and well behaved (wink wink) children. I am thinking I should sell my eggs to some women who can't use their own. I have GREAT eggs. I wonder how much I could get. If I could raise enough money to pay off Clint's students loans before he got out of the military, we would have such an advantage. Can someone raise that much selling eggs? We could help some poeple have kids while helping ourselves at the same time. what a great idea. I am sure I still have planty of eggs. Oh and I make twins. I dropped two friggin' eggs at one time. I am one fertile bitch. I quit smoking (which is going okay by the way), I am pretty damn healthy, I would quit taking my pills for harvesting time and my kids are friggin' smart as shit. I am not just saying that because I am their mother. You can ask anyone who has met my kids. I should look into it. I really should. Want some eggs?

Ethan is officailly two today. I no longer have babies. We celebrated his birthday on Saturday, while Clint's parents were here. We opened presents and all was good. We ate cupcakes and all was good. I was told I couldn't have any more after finishing my fourth cupcake and the meltdown began. Ah, the joy of parenting.

So, the story about Clint. I didn't take pictures, though I really should have so you could have the "big" picture. Clint had to watch the UT vs. USC game by himself the other night. There was not a friend a valuable and I am not really into football. He seemed to be having a great time anyways, whoopin' and a hollerin'. He had such a good time, he downed an entire twelve pack of beer. Of course after consuming this much beer, Clint has lost any and all volume control. I had to keep reminding him of the three sleeping children. When the Longhorns had finally triumphed, the celebration became even louder, only to be shot down with a prompt sshing. He celebrated by watching the highlights of the game he had just seen in its entirety. That makes no sense at all to me, but whatever floats your boat baby. Drunkie poo finally made up to bed, after a very long, unsteady trip up the stairs. He (in his very loud, not three children sleeping voice) told me what a great game...

I am off to my docotr's appointment, but whne I get back, I am going to have to tell the funniest drunk story ever. My husband got shitty ass drunk the other night and if I was a nice wife, I wouldn't tell anyone what happened......

Okay, I found the first of the pictures I want to include in my blog. Wouldn't it be cool transparent....You know that is some funny shit, no pun intended....I lie, pun totally intended. I am now on the hunt for a miss america type picture with miss poop on the sash. I also want a miss america looking girl that looks all crazy strung out. If you come across anything like that in your trips around the web, e-mail them to me.

Does anyone know a good priest. I think my baby is possessed. Ethan and I have had a tumultuous (did I come even close to the correct spelling?) relationship since the day he was born. Last night, he tested mommy's coping capabilities and let's just say, "I failed". He and the other siblings were doing the ol' fake coughing gig. Ethan hung his ass (well, not really his "ass", but he was hanging) over the 2x4 lattice that goes up our stairs and coughed so hard he puked all down the wall and all over the couch. I flipped my lid. Partly the non smoking (oh yeah, by the way, I have quit....again) and partly the zoloft not agreeing with me. I stomped around, made an ass of myself and pretty much just freaked out in general. You would have thought it wouldn't have gotten any worse. Well, You would have been dead ass wrong. Steven comes running down the stairs to tell me Ethan has now puked all over Steven's bed. I run upstairs to puke all over the bed ...

I am trying to work on a new layout design. I am lacking in much of the skill needed to do this and do it well. I want to do something in beiges (sephia tones) and greys. I want to have old black and white beauty pageant pictures.....does that sound half way good? Any suggestions? I am thinking about breaking down and having a professional help me. I knwo and like several. Talk about a hard choice... Oh, have you seen this?

Stitch just likes to hang out and Quincy, the new guy, he likes to party!!!!! Can you believe how cool these little guys are? I am totally in love. There is one problem....they are friggin' nocturnal. How the hell can I keep up with them. They go to sleep when the other little demons begin to wake.

Did you read this?

Emily and Steven both got new (generic ass wal-mart specials) bikes. Emily loves hers and Steven has yet to even sit on his. Great job Santa!!!! Stay the hell off the road because Ethan got a jeep. The little shit will not use the steering wheel, which means if you are in the path.....better get the hell out of the way. That goes for the dog too. Poor damn Tanner has been a victim of hit and run more times then we can count. Steven (who of course is thinner then his little brother and shorter then his sister) got a bunch of sport equipment. Dear God, please let Steven grow, or at least be a really good interior designer. I know it looks like it, but NO we did not get the kids drunk. We ahve seen the news and apparently the law does not take that lightly dammit.

Okay, so I know I have been a big ass slacker lately, but don't any of you still love me a little? I had to vote for myself for god's sake. Are you trying to kill my ego while I transition from one crazy lady med to another? Do you kow what a psychotic break could mean to my children? If you do not want any harm to come to anyone in my household, I reccomend you do what's right. I will even tell you what it is. Go and vote for my sorry, slacking, mentally deficiant ass over at Sheri and Suzan's site .