Poop, Paxil, and Pageantry

Another stellar conversation at the Stein house Emily: um mom, Ethan took off his pants and underwear and Steven is sniffing his butt Mom: WHAT?!?!? Emily: Are they supposed to do that? Okay, now there are so many things here to comment on. First, the fact that my eldest son is sniffing his brother's ass. That is just wrong on so many levels. The other big red flag that we have a problem....Emily is not sure if that is okay or not. Well child, of course it is NOT okay. We are not canine and do not sniff each others butts. Mom: STEVEN, GET YOUR ASS IN HERE! What in the world do you think you are doing? Steven: I don't know. Mom: Are you a dog? Steven: No. Mom: Are you supposed to smell peoples' butts? Steven: He (referring to his brother) made me do it. Mom: He shoved your face in his butt? Steven: sort of What does that mean? Sort of? Sort of? What does that mean? Clint says nothing the boys do surprises him because they are boys and boys do really weird, stupid, dumb s...

The family and I headed off to buy food yesterday. We first shopped at Sam's. Man was that beautiful. We saved so much money. I friggin ' loved it. Of course being the cheap ass I am, I knew we would still have to go to HEB (our local grocery store) because turkeys are only 67 cents a pound. You can't beat that shit with a stick. We strolled on into the HEB. I stopped at the door and through Steven into the cart. When I turned back, I saw Clint talking to some Mexican guy that I thought he may have known from when we lived here before. I just kept shopping. At the deli I turned to ask Clint who his friend was and realized he was still on our tail so refrained. When we got to the turkeys, the guy zoomed by with his little girl (5 or 6) in tow yelling across the meat that he would "See you outside Honky , I'll see you outside". I turned to Clint to find out who he was and realized that maybe they were not friends. Apparently, When I was putting Steven in the c...

In honor of Thanksgiving I thought it important to take the time to honor all the turkeys that give their lives so we may eat and take naps while watching football. I thought it was fitting to start with the traditional turkey hunt. Historically, our countrymen have spent many hours hunting for the perfect turkey to grace their tables. Now, The preperation of the turkey is just as important. Some use apples, some use onions and others glaze with honey. When you have finished you turkey, gather all your friends and family and enjoy the feast. Here is my beautiful turkey.

I need to know how my spawn compare. Do your kids wrestle and get too loud? Do you have to tell them a gazillion times to pick up? Do you feel like some days you are just waiting to hand out the next ass whoopin'? Do they think it is funny to eat crayons? Are all kids bad? Is it just mine? I swear they are begging to be beat. Maybe they need to get some little friends here so they have someone to play with besides each other. HMMMMMMMMMMMMMM........ It's that or I am going to start investing in some animal tranquilizer.

I took the kids to Toys R Us today to get some ideas for Christmas and birthdays and well, apparently they want Toys R Us. Everything in the store is now on their list.

We are now here in San Antonio. I think we are settled for at least a year. Then we will look into buying. The kids have been real troopers with all this moving. We figured out that they have moved five times in the last year. I guess the good part is they are not in school so.......They have asked " Why are we living in so many houses?" Man, that tears a parent up inside when they feel like the kids are not getting the "roots" they need. Well, we are here!!!!

Steven: "Mom, I want to be S piderman so I can use my web to get that football from the bigger kids." Mom: "Well, you can not be S piderman , he isn't really real" Steven: "Well, maybe God could make me into Spiderman , he can do anything." Hmmmmmmmmmm , again it is hard to argue the logic.

Okay, not really. I have stuck my hand up a cow's ass and have moved into a house of our own (of course we will probably be moving out of this house to load up and move to San Antonio). I wonder how many times I can say move. So, there you go...all caught up. We were practicing trick or treating with the kids the other day. You know, making them ring the door bell, say trick or treat and of course the ever important THANK YOU. Ethan would not say thank you. He finally told me " Give me REAL candy." Apparently fake candy was not worth using up a thank you. Maybe his thank yous are limited. I mean if he has only a certain amount, it was probably a good decision not to waste them on your Mom, pretending to give you candy. Better save those thank yous for the real thing. The kids is a friggin ' genius or just a huge asshole.

All out to dinner with the kids and this is how it goes.... (little tubs of butter conveniently placed in front of Emily for easy access) Me: Emily, I think three tubs of butter is enough, please stop Emily: okay Ethan: YA Dumb ass ! Ahhhhhhh , it is moments like these that I know I am doing my duty as a parent. Even at the young age of three, Ethan recognizes the fact that you do not just sit and eat butter out of tubs.

Ethan thinks this peeing outside thing is really the next best thing. He has asked several times to poop outside, but we have explained that is a no no. Well, we thought we explained it well enough until the other two came running in to tell us Ethan needed his butt wiped and he was...you guessed it, outside. I grab some toilet paper and run out and yes, yes my son had shit right next to the swing set . He was terrified when he saw m coming and released his arms from the poop hovering and managed to sit in his pile of shit... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh good times. I got him up and hosed him off, only to find Steven throwing dirt on the poo. Cover the evidence.

So we are here in Texas. We are staying with Clint's Parents right now out on the farm. Oh and I have stories. Take poop, me and my offspring and you know I have some goodies. I will be back tomorrow. Just a quick question....if you do not like someone...I mean really do not like them, would you care about there business enough to go to there website? If you go to there website, does that mean that you really do care even if it is really deep deep down? Yes, a very odd and what seems to be a completely pointless question, but I can be pretty damn pointless sometimes.

The kids have taken to a new entertaining night time ritual. We will call it "get up with bullshit fucking excuses to drives our parents to the borders of abuse". Tonight however has been particularly entertaining. It started with the normal "Ethan is making noise" shit and then turned to "Ethan swallowed a dime". What the hell?!?!?!?! Mommy: "Ethan, did you swallow some money?" Ethan: "NO!!!! Steven ate the money" Steven: " No I didn't. Ethan did" Ethan: In a state of pre spanking hysteria "No, No, Steven did" Mommy: "Ethan, Calm down we are not going to beat you. Did you eat some money?" Ethan: Now calming down and ready to tell the damn truth and quit his damn lieing "I uh swallowed it down into my tummy" Daddy: "Ethan, let's not eat money anymore. It could kill you." So, off the two boys head to bed. Clint and I are sure we are now in the clear to enjoy the rest of the night...

This makes me think of TKW ....and....well there are too many of you who appreciate the sausage jokes.

So, let's see, So much is going on. Jenn is recovering quite well from her surgery . I have not gone to see her yet and yes I know I suck donkey balls. Going off the paxil update to follow. We went and saw my brother and his wife in Denver and had a friggin rad time. Clint is out processing from the Army and we are still hoping for a job with the CVB in pretty much any city in Texas. Anyone got some connections? Paxill withdrawls : feeling very anti social, have out on some weight while here because I have nothing to do but sit here. UGH!!!!! have been drinking plenty of tea and started taking some St. John's Wart and Valerian root..I think that will help through this bust transitional time. Oh and we leave Colorado in a week and head back to Texas. Have some good stuff to post later, so look for an update.

I love some big ol' tube meat. It is so The Kept Woman's fault . She started playing with her meat first. But, I think my meat may be bigger. Anyone else playing with their meat? At least this is a sign that I am not suicidal or have been arrested for killing any of my children yet. Notice I said yet. I am going to continue to take a proactive roll in the symptoms. I have been still drinking a shit ton of water and chamomile and green tea are my friends. I think the things I have noticed: Physical symptoms have stopped I am horny..whoohoo...you go Clint I am sensitive to way to much audio stimulation....I feel like my head is going to explode and have to remove the noise. UPDATE: Oh yes, it is time for "Friday's Find".

I have decided to quit my Paxil . There are a host of reasons, but probably the number one reason, sex drive. I have been on Paxil for almost three years, give or take. I started taking it for Premenstrual Disphoric Disorder ,which came hand in hand with my post-partum depression after the birth of the two ton Tasmanian devil. My PMDD is pretty bad. I never really did much research or thought there might be other things I could do. Paxil just seemed the easiest route. Well, I have done research to quit Paxil and now being several days in, I can tell you it ain't gonna be easy. Here are the things that have happened thus far: 1. Nausea...swear to god I thought I might be pregnant.....SCARY 2.Weird shooting zap pain behind my ear, sure I was having an aneurysm 3. achy legs.....really really achy almost painful 4. difficulty falling asleep So I am drinking a shit ton of camomile tea, taking Tylenol PM at night night time, and drinking a fuck load of water. I am hoping the physical sy...

Clint and I are sitting on the couch enjoying a nice quiet evening. We have put in a movie for the kids in their room and they are back there being so good, so quiet. Then we here what sounds like a herd of elephants coming down the hallway. The kids are all yelling " Spongebob got on Ethan's forehead". Out of the hallway appears Ethan. Clint's first response "What the hell have ya'll been doing?" Ethan quickly replied, "It wasn't me it was Steven." To which Steven promptly began his defense,"It was an accident!" Oh come on....an accident my ass. I jumped in and began my counter bullshit operation. "An accident? What happened? You just fell down with a marker in your hand and accidentally drew spongebob on your brother's head?" At this point I would like to tell those of you who have no children or have only infants that sarcasm is lost on children at this age. They will take your sarcasm and twist it to suit the...

I got an e-mail about a week ago asking me to check out a new website. It was just getting up and running. I headed on over and have not stopped playing with it. It is a one stop photo shop . It takes your photos and puts them into professional looking slide shows. I mean super it is so super cute. The best part, you can e-mail them to Grandmother afterwards. This is of course great for computer dummies like me. You have to check it out. It is completely free until June. They will soon be adding tons of extras and a store where you can upload your photos for the slide shows and then order gifts and prints. Pretty cool if you ask me. If you like it, please let me know. I decided I would start sharing all my cool Internet finds with people I know. If you are not interested, let me know that too.

My dearest four year old son was laying quietly watching TV and apparently handling his man parts. He suddenly spoke up in a not so manly voice (he is four you know), saying "My penis is broken". I looked over and the kid's boy part was ta full attention. I tried to explain, without peeing my pants from laughter, that it was normal and it would happen more. He told me he should probably see the doctor. I wonder if his concern is because little brother had to get his penis looked at? Does this mean he is going to be an exhibitionist or a hypochondriac. And I wonder why I am medicated.

I have this gross habit. I am pretty sure it was inherited from my mother. I can remember seeing her do the same thing. It is gross. I warn you now so if you have a sensitive gag reflex, find that x up in the right hand corner and hit it. I clean out under my nails with my mouth. Yes that's right, that food that gets under there is just a little entertaining snack for later. I know you are wondering where I am going with this, well....... It was a beautiful day out. Clint had just gotten home from work and we decided to take the kids outside to burn off some energy. I took them out while he got a cold beer and some cheese. I was sitting on the bench and noticed a little something under my nail. I went to clean it out with my mouth and just as I got close to my mouth noticed a faint smell of poop. That's right, I had poop under my nails. Apparently when I wiped Emily's butt for her, just before we headed out, I got her shit under my nail. OH MY GOD, I ALMOST ATE HER POOP. I ...

While I was in Texas staying with Tara, I made up my mind that when we have the money I am going to get a boob job. Tara and I started the research and spent quite a bit of time looking at before boobs and after boobs. One night, Ethan came in after we had already moved on to the link that read "labia plasty ". Come on, you know you would look too. Anyways, the little guy comes wondering in, still in a half sleeping state, until he saw a before labia picture on the screen. Oh, his attention was caught. He immediately wanted to know what it was Aunt Tara and I were looking at. Always being the straight forward parent, Tara followed my lead and told him at was labia. Ethan's response? " EWWWWWW Wabia is diskustin ' " Tara and I laughed so hard. If he only knew his thoughts would change when he gets older. After clicking on the after picture and seeing what appeared to be a lovely pink, symmetrical set of labia, Ethan responded with " MMMMMM I wanna eat...

We have been waiting for a consult for Ethan to see a urologist. Apparently when they did his little circumcision, the poor boys pee pee hole ended up a little more to the top then the tip. Let me tell you what this means. It means when he is holding his wee little dumpling straight down at the toilet, that the entire bathroom gets a coating of piss. Yes, that's right.....he sprays up. I am going to have to buy stock in Clorox clean up wipes if they do not get his problem fixed soon. The little guy tries so hard to compensate by twisting and contorting his future favorite thing. When Clint got home from Iraq and saw our newly potty trained man trying to position his pal so the pee hit the water, Clint's first impression was the guy was abusing himself. Clint, being the owner of a penis himself pointed out the problem. Let's all keep our fingers crossed that the Army fixes this soon.

and then I got this: One More last question.........WHY do you feel the need for Susan (She is my Aunt and my Grandmother's daughter and has a right to know anything about a woman so openly taking advantage of her family, plus you have now become entertainment) to read my emails? Just a little curious. OMG ......You really have taken this a little too far. Since I got to read all the emails again....show me one bad thing I said about Tara. I am Honestly thru with all of this, this is rediculous . You have really lost your mind!! Someone speaks their mind to you, and you get all crazy, and I am the one who needs help???? You might wanna step back and take a look in the mirror Katy. I guess the phrase "The Truth Hurts" is VERY TRUE!!! So, I think this may be the last post about my Dad's wife for awhile. Well, I am keeping my fingers crossed. She has moved on to my poor sister-in-law. Jill Army is too nice too ever reject anyone so when she called me and told ...

I think the title of this e-mail is probably my favorite, because you and I both know that we have heard this before. I still have sent no response because I find it cruel to have a battle of the wits with an unarmed person and I am not sure if she even knows what wits means. This is a bit out of order because I wanted to keep the emails in a certain group so this email was actually sent before she got the final e-mail from Tara explaining I had not said anything. My Last Words Ever To You.....I promise I have a few things too get off my chest and say to you, before I vow to never speak to you again. First off Katy........Telling Tara I said mean things about her and her family is such a lie.....I will send her the copies of the emails (I told Tara nothing, she read the e-mails for herself and formed her conclusions. From the last post, you should be able to tell Tara was never a big fan. She does not like fake people who mooch and try to break up families) I sent you, so she will kno...

So, She has now promised no more e-mails my way, so I guess my dearest Tara has become the next victim. A little bit of back history. Tara was doing our hair all through out beauty school. Of course she never got paid except for materials and wine. She didn't care. It was practice. No when I moved to Colorado, Tara tried to continue a close relationship with my Dad and Lisa but was often blown off and then felt like the only time they contacted her was to house sit the dirty squat or to do someones hair. When Tara finally opened her shop, she was sure the freebies would stop. Well, when Lisa would go in to get her hair done (ladies, we are talking the works:foils, cuts,style....) she would just give Tara a check for how ever much she could handle at the time. Not the amount Tara charged of course. Tara never got the nerve to say anything about this because she did not want to cause any trouble for me with my "family". So Tara's first E-mail arrived: Tara, I am just wo...

So we left off last time with the fact that I had called my Dad and read him the riot act about his wife and I had still not responded to any of her craziness. Then I got this: Katy, I don't understand why you went off on your dad.....he wasn't the one who wrote you...I was. I guess I should have kept my fucking mouth shut....and why is it everytime you get pissed at me, you bring up me not working? U h because you are a grown woman with children in school mooching off my grandmother and sitting on your ass while you watch my father kill himself trying to work two jobs Why is that such an issue with you? You don't work...does anyone rag you about it? and the rent...is that your business...no...that is between Grandmother and your dad.....its not your business!! Did you pay rent to Tara while you were here...who the fuck cares...its nobody's business, but yours and Tara's!! It sure was ok for me not to be working when you needed a babysitter....and have you ever ...

Well, after my plan to keep the peace backfired, I received another e-mail: Good Morning Katy, I never heard back from you, so I am not sure whether to take that as a good thing or a bad thing. I just wanted to tell you to have a safe trip back to Colorado! I am not sure why, but when you posted the bulletin saying some of your messages weren't sent or received, and asked to have them resent. I can't quite figure that one out, because on myspace it tells you when a message has been sent...read...and replied to. My first message I sent you had already been read. But oh well......I just want you to know, that no matter what, I will always love you, and think the world of you...and those babies. Hopefully when you return to San Antonio, we can start fresh....I would love nothing more than to have a great friendship with you, Katy!! Please drive safe.....and I know you are sooooo looking forward to finally being with Clint again, and the babies will be so glad to have their daddy...

Here is what I find really entertaining. Before I left San Antonio I had started posting some things to my Myspace about some of the new friends I made. My next post was of course going to be about my best friend Tara and her family. I wanted to really go in depth into how much these people meant to me. The next would have been about my dad and his new family and how they too had been some what helpful, especially my Dad's step-daughter Kimmie. She is sweet and delightful and I really had enjoyed her company. Before I could get to that I received the following : Katy, Grandmother is doing awesome!! She really is....I am sorry I didn't call back...but I came home and layed down...I have an earache in both ears...and alot of pain in my back...it hurts to breathe...so I know its in my lungs...whatever that is anyway. I may end up letting one of the girls stay home tomorrow to keep the babies (I had a doctor's appointment) .....just depends on how I am feeling. I will bring the...

Man, the stress has been aparently hiding. Here I thought I was rolling with th epunches, and now.....I have stress induced shingles. So let's see what kind of stress has tere been. 1. husband in Iraq 2. dog of 10 and 1/2 years put down 3. living with one of my best friends with three kids during a kitchen remodel 4. A return fifteen hour drive back to colorado 5. hoping we have jobs by Clint's ETS date 6. Can not start shopping for a house until he gets a job 7. My father's wife burned her bridges with my husband and I and can not understand or refuses to understand her fault in the situation. 8. Living with three preschoolers in a two bedroom second story apartment. 9. Did i mention the shingles? all in conjunction with aunt flo 10. A friend here in colorado who really for her own good needs to know that each and every friend she has is about to mutiny because of her selfish and thoughtless behavior. 11. Ethan has to go see a urologist because his urethra hole is not at t...