Friday, May 27, 2011
Penis juice and vodka
Ethan decided he is exempt from the school dress ode because school is almost out and the daughter has jumped on that band wagon. I decided to let it slide. I figure a cute little t-shirt isn't going to ruin any one's grades, they were all turned in on the 24Th, so we will see if I get a call from the school.
So today's little golden nugget of delight is brought to you by Ethan.
Mom:Ethan, quit messing with your business. Go to your room if you want to do that.
Ethan: I am not messing with it, it hurts. It feels like I am going to bleed when I pee.
Mom: Oh honey, I am sorry but you will have to go to your Dad. He is in charge of penises. I handle vaginas.
Later Clint and I figure out the kid might have the beginning of a urinary tract infection so we loaded hm up with cranberry juice and extra fruits, veggies, and vitamin C. It seemed to have worked.
Aunt Kimberly: Ethan, you like to drink cranberry juice?
Aunt Kimberly: You are drinking cranberry juice. Do you like it?
Ethan: It is my penis juice.
That makes my day better. I may just go have a penis juice and vodka to celebrate Friday. HAHAHAHAHAHA That sounds all kinds of wrong.
Sunday, April 03, 2011
And I thought I should Change the Title of My Blog
Well, I am no longer taking Paxil and well, crap.....I think that is it. I thought the poop was really no longer an issue as well until this week.
Someone decided that an oopsie poopsie was not something they might share with their mother. You know the lady who does the laundry. I was blessed with the joy, upon removing clean clothes form the laundry, an overwhelming smell of shit. Yep, SHIT!!!! I had almost all the clothes in the dryer and noticed a wad, a ball, a massive roll of poop.
Apparently someone had pooped enough in their underwear and then just snuck it into the dirty laundry. GROSS!!!! I mean really?!?!?!? You don't think you might have at least given me a heads up so that I could pre-clean the undies. Man, boys are so gross!
Monday, March 28, 2011
The Verdict is In
On the way to taking little miss Emily to the doctor; I too began the Mommy rant. She was suddenly unable to hear us, but only part of the time, she was not running a fever, and she seemed perfectly capable of playing with her siblings. So, the threats began. I did not threaten her with beatings but I did tell her she better damn well hope the doctor found something wrong with her or she would spend the next week on restriction from anything and everything other than her books. Those would be her only companions and her only means of entertainment. Well, damn I ended up with egg on my face.
The doctor looked in the first ear and seemed to be taken aback a bit and explained how Emily’s ear was bulging and was full of pus. This of course wasn’t even the ear that she complained had been hurting. Oh shit. I am about to have to eat my words and apologize to my eight year old for not believing her. The doctor checked the other ear and it was more of the same, maybe worse. When the doctor left the room to get a prescription for Emily, my darling daughter turned to me and said “I am so glad I have ear infections, now I won’t be on restriction”. Hmmmmmmmm, I am not certain, but I feel pretty confident that was an extremely low day in my parenting.
Needless to say, the girl child is not on restriction and she has been on antibiotics for several days now and is doing much better.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Oh Those Chickens
Well I'll be damned, my chickens are coming home to roost. They are coming home, pecking me in my ass, and then shitting on my head.
Emily has a doctors appointment thia morning because she is certain that she cannot hear. I believe that her eras are clogged, but not that she is permantly going deaf.
Dear god help me if she is because that will mean I actually have to get up off my ass wen I need her for something and can not just yell for her. UGH!!! This could be problematic either way.
If my Mom were still alive, I am certain she would be attending all htese appointments with me just for the sheer joy of pointing and laughing at me. I mean really, if it wasn;t happening to me, I too would be pointing and laughing.
Some things are just so much funnier when they happen to other people.
Monday, March 21, 2011
When I finally finish, I turn to my youngest son, my baby, my little love man, my bubby and the little turd looks at me completely exasperated and says "Well, you talk so much I forgot what I was going to say!"
Ahhhhhhh, out of the mouths of babes...smart ass babes, babes who need to be banished to the land of "No making fun of Mommy, even if you do not realize you are".
Loving the Internet
So these Frugal Girls turned me onto another really great website that I want to recommend and I am not a big recommender. It is called Vocalpoint. Check it out.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
I Didn't Mean to Drop the F@#k Bomb
I did tell him that we were not buying him a new one. He would have to save his money. Of course the water works started again. His sweet brother and sister offered up all their saved money to help him buy a new one. He immediately started adding up the dough. No thank you to his siblings. I told him how nice it was of them and he should thank them. He did but it was so not a genuine thanks you. I could feel my blood boiling.
He then admitted he would not do the same for them. STRIKE TWO...butt head!!!
Oh and then later I he had a fit because Emily and Ethan had games to play and he didn't.
OH HELL NO!!!!
So out it came. I had no control. There was a complete disconnect when I yelled "What the F#$K are you thinking? You are acting like a F$%KING brat. I mean really!!!!! What the F$%K?!?!?!?!
Of course after that I felt horrible. I cried, certain he was going to be scarred for life. How much was this F bomb slip going to cost me later in therapy bills? Well I think he got the message. He apologized later to me for being "ungrateful" and spent the rest of the evening acting extra nice to his siblings.
So to you F word, I say DAMN YOU. Damn you F word for coming out without my permission and damn you for never leaving my vocabulary after the kiddos were born. Will you ever find a new home?
Doubt it?!?!?! I know, me too!!!!
Tuesday, February 08, 2011
A Lump in Her Throat
I just want to love my kitty, Dammit.
Tuesday, February 01, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Racially Charged Post...Just Sayin'
Our family was honored to ride a mule drawn wagon in the Steer Herding through the streets of downtown San Antonio. Pretty sure the kids and I were famous by the end of the parade. Well, we at least felt like we were famous.
Okay, so I digress. While the wagons were hooking up and loading up, a lovely Asian couple (obviously tourists from another country) were walking through the staging grounds. Not only could they not stop smiling but they were so friendly and just down right thrilled by the happenings around them.
The people in the staging area were all dressed in what was authentic 1800s cowboy outfits, civil war uniforms, Native American dress (I wouldn't say costumes because they are so much more then that), and just modern day cowboy garb. Well that Asian couple loved every minute of it and the cowboys and cowgirls were thrilled to show them around and answer their questions.
The greatest part about this couple was how they actually walked along the entire parade route and never seemed to tire of the westerness of it all.
I am certain if I were lucky enough to attend a wonderful celebration in their country I would be equally enamored by the difference in the culture and the excitement.
The Chapter Stories of Drama
Wife, Mother, Student, Janitor, Doctor, Referee, Chef
Katy Nichols Stein | Create Your Badge
Penis juice and vodka