Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Oh For Pete's Fucking Sake or For the Love of God...In Dog Heaven?

The kids have taken to a new entertaining night time ritual. We will call it "get up with bullshit fucking excuses to drives our parents to the borders of abuse". Tonight however has been particularly entertaining. It started with the normal "Ethan is making noise" shit and then turned to "Ethan swallowed a dime".

What the hell?!?!?!?!
Mommy: "Ethan, did you swallow some money?"

Ethan: "NO!!!! Steven ate the money"

Steven: " No I didn't. Ethan did"

Ethan: In a state of pre spanking hysteria "No, No, Steven did"

Mommy: "Ethan, Calm down we are not going to beat you. Did you eat some money?"

Ethan: Now calming down and ready to tell the damn truth and quit his damn lieing "I uh swallowed it down into my tummy"

Daddy: "Ethan, let's not eat money anymore. It could kill you."

So, off the two boys head to bed. Clint and I are sure we are now in the clear to enjoy the rest of the night, just us and our HGTV.

Then it happens. I hear some friggin' kid crying and have to be a good Mommy and go see what the hell is the next fucking problem. I head into their room and find Ethan crying. I ask him why and he just says "bbbbbbecause...bbbbecause". Steven jumps in with his two cents, "Ethan is crying because daddy said something mean to him". I explain that daddy did not say anything mean. He was just trying to make you guys understand that if you eat money it could kill you and you could end up dead. "Dead like Tanner (our cocker we gad to put down)?" Steven asks. "Yes, dead like tanner ", I respond. "Well, will Ethan go to Doggie Heaven then?" "No Steven....Ethan will not go to Doggie heaven. Shut up and go to sleep before I spank your ass."

Now, do not send me some god for saken hate mail about the way I talk to my kids. Yes, I cuss like a sailor. Yes, I cuss at them. No, they do not use bad language....well okay, Ethan does, but have you noticed the trend here? He marches to the beat of his own drummer and I really only have time to fight the big battles. You know like.......
Do not draw on your face
Do not eat money
Do not blow bubbles in your beer
Oh shit did I say that out loud....No way would we ever give our kid beer just to giggle and laugh when he tastes it. That would be horrible.

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Loving Sausage..

This makes me think of TKW....and....well there are too many of you who appreciate the sausage jokes.

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Clint wants the CVB and I am still off the Paxill

So, let's see, So much is going on.
Jenn is recovering quite well from her surgery. I have not gone to see her yet and yes I know I suck donkey balls. Going off the paxil update to follow.

We went and saw my brother and his wife in Denver and had a friggin rad time.

Clint is out processing from the Army and we are still hoping for a job with the CVB in pretty much any city in Texas. Anyone got some connections?

Paxill withdrawls:
feeling very anti social, have out on some weight while here because I have nothing to do but sit here. UGH!!!!! have been drinking plenty of tea and started taking some St. John's Wart and Valerian root..I think that will help through this bust transitional time. Oh and we leave Colorado in a week and head back to Texas.

Have some good stuff to post later, so look for an update.

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Friday, May 04, 2007

The Kept Woman Drove Me to Play With My Meat

I love some big ol' tube meat. It is so The Kept Woman's fault. She started playing with her meat first. But, I think my meat may be bigger. Anyone else playing with their meat?

At least this is a sign that I am not suicidal or have been arrested for killing any of my children yet. Notice I said yet. I am going to continue to take a proactive roll in the symptoms. I have been still drinking a shit ton of water and chamomile and green tea are my friends. I think the things I have noticed:
Physical symptoms have stopped
I am horny..whoohoo...you go Clint
I am sensitive to way to much audio stimulation....I feel like my head is going to explode and have to remove the noise.

Oh yes, it is time for "Friday's Find".

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Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Quit Paxil (Shit, I am going to need a new blog layout)

I have decided to quit my Paxil. There are a host of reasons, but probably the number one reason, sex drive. I have been on Paxil for almost three years, give or take. I started taking it for Premenstrual Disphoric Disorder,which came hand in hand with my post-partum depression after the birth of the two ton Tasmanian devil. My PMDD is pretty bad. I never really did much research or thought there might be other things I could do. Paxil just seemed the easiest route. Well, I have done research to quit Paxil and now being several days in, I can tell you it ain't gonna be easy. Here are the things that have happened thus far:
1. Nausea...swear to god I thought I might be pregnant.....SCARY
2.Weird shooting zap pain behind my ear, sure I was having an aneurysm
3. achy legs.....really really achy almost painful
4. difficulty falling asleep

So I am drinking a shit ton of camomile tea, taking Tylenol PM at night night time, and drinking a fuck load of water.

I am hoping the physical symptoms subside soon,but then I have the joy of some great psychological symptoms for us all to enjoy. I am hoping since I am trying to detox a bit with all this water, it might be less severe. Let's all keep our fingers crossed that I don't get all fucking crazy and violent. You and I both know there are a few people who can not afford for me to get all crazy and psycho. They could end up in bad shape. Kidding!!! (maybe) No really I am kidding (maybe).

I figured this would be the best place to journal so I can go back and read what I had to say and see if I am totally delusional. Plus I am sure jackasses like Erik and my brother will feel free to tell me when they see me getting a bit on the fuck tard side. So here we go.

Everyone keep your arms and legs inside the ride and remain seated at all times. Try to avoid looking me straight in the eye. If you by some chance provoke me, do not run. This will only enrage me. Lay face down on the ground and cover all major arteries. I have been known to calm down when given lots of compliments and when exposed to some serious retail therapy. Thank you and come again. Buh-Bye

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The Chapter Stories of Drama

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Location: San Antonio, Texas, United States

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