Skip to main content

Oh For Pete's Fucking Sake or For the Love of God...In Dog Heaven?

The kids have taken to a new entertaining night time ritual. We will call it "get up with bullshit fucking excuses to drives our parents to the borders of abuse". Tonight however has been particularly entertaining. It started with the normal "Ethan is making noise" shit and then turned to "Ethan swallowed a dime".

What the hell?!?!?!?!
Mommy: "Ethan, did you swallow some money?"

Ethan: "NO!!!! Steven ate the money"

Steven: " No I didn't. Ethan did"

Ethan: In a state of pre spanking hysteria "No, No, Steven did"

Mommy: "Ethan, Calm down we are not going to beat you. Did you eat some money?"

Ethan: Now calming down and ready to tell the damn truth and quit his damn lieing "I uh swallowed it down into my tummy"

Daddy: "Ethan, let's not eat money anymore. It could kill you."

So, off the two boys head to bed. Clint and I are sure we are now in the clear to enjoy the rest of the night, just us and our HGTV.

Then it happens. I hear some friggin' kid crying and have to be a good Mommy and go see what the hell is the next fucking problem. I head into their room and find Ethan crying. I ask him why and he just says "bbbbbbecause...bbbbecause". Steven jumps in with his two cents, "Ethan is crying because daddy said something mean to him". I explain that daddy did not say anything mean. He was just trying to make you guys understand that if you eat money it could kill you and you could end up dead. "Dead like Tanner (our cocker we gad to put down)?" Steven asks. "Yes, dead like tanner ", I respond. "Well, will Ethan go to Doggie Heaven then?" "No Steven....Ethan will not go to Doggie heaven. Shut up and go to sleep before I spank your ass."

Now, do not send me some god for saken hate mail about the way I talk to my kids. Yes, I cuss like a sailor. Yes, I cuss at them. No, they do not use bad language....well okay, Ethan does, but have you noticed the trend here? He marches to the beat of his own drummer and I really only have time to fight the big battles. You know like.......
Do not draw on your face
Do not eat money
Do not blow bubbles in your beer
Oh shit did I say that out loud....No way would we ever give our kid beer just to giggle and laugh when he tastes it. That would be horrible.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Getting Started

This will be my first blog. I am copying the big brother. Seems like I did that a lot growing up. A little background first. I am the only girl in a family of three kids. We are all grown with our own children and still (even being almost 31) that weirds me out. When did we become adults and what exactly does that mean. We still tease,poke, and prod each other. The funny thing? Now it feels like there is so much love behind it. It seems like we all except each other for our similarities and our differences. Maybe that is what makes us adults. Who knows .
1 comment
Read more

Penis juice and vodka

We have one more week of school here, yet my children have already disconnected the brain switch. I hate to tell them but we will home school throughout the summer. Luckily for them we can get our work done in less then two hours with only three kids and of course the fact that I sneak projects in throughout our everyday activities. Ethan decided he is exempt from the school dress ode because school is almost out and the daughter has jumped on that band wagon. I decided to let it slide. I figure a cute little t-shirt isn't going to ruin any one's grades, they were all turned in on the 24Th, so we will see if I get a call from the school. So today's little golden nugget of delight is brought to you by Ethan. Mom:Ethan, quit messing with your business. Go to your room if you want to do that. Ethan: I am not messing with it, it hurts. It feels like I am going to bleed when I pee. Mom: Oh honey, I am sorry but you will have to go to your Dad. He is in charge of penises. I handl
5 comments
Read more

THE AMAZING RACE

I had never watched this show until the season with the "little person". That immediately caught my attention. I have watched The Amazing Race faithfully since then. Last night was the two-hour season premiere. There are two very interesting teams this time. One is a former POW with his girlfriend and the other....Rob and Amanda from survivor!!! Awesome. Everyone is pissed though. They all keep making comments about how they do not deserve to be there because they have already won. I think it is great that they are there. They do not have any kids. They have already won money to pay those pesky bills, why not see the world while they have the chance. I would. I hope they win, just to piss everyone else off. They could be reality TV junkies and go on every show. Next....American Idol? HA HA HA
1 comment
Read more