Saturday, December 20, 2008

"What's That Salty Looking Stuff?"

I have often wondered when the entertaining conversations with my children would stop. Well, I am pretty sure the answer to that question is NEVER!

The kids were playing camping. To set up the scene, they were all on the bottom bunk with a blanket hanging over from the top bunk, all the lights off, and handy dandy flashlights in their hands. All seemed well and good until all three came out to ask about a bump found in Ethan's belly button. I closely examined it and then reassure them it was merely a mole (skin tag). Of course I did start to wonder how they found this thing while "camping". The three of them explained that they had been playing doctor and discovered during an examination. Okay, okay. They all have their clothes on so I see no harm in the situation.

Awhile later, Steven asked me what the slimy green stuff was in Ethan's nose.

Mom: Well honey, he has a little bit of a cold. that is snot.

Steven: Oh that is gross.

Mom: Yes, yes it is pretty dang gross.

Steven: What is the salty looking stuff on his butt?

Mom: What? Uh?

Steven: On his butt hole. He has some white stuff that looks salty. Like salt.

Okay, at this point I have realized that the game of doctor progressed waaaaaaaaaaaaaay further then I expected. Holy Shit!!! What the hell are they doing looking at Ethan's butt hole?

Mom: What the hell are you doing looking at Ethan's butt hole?

Steven: He took his pants off and said look at my butt hole.

Mom: well, the white stuff is probably leftovers from toilet paper and no one should be looking at anyones' butt hole. It is NOT okay to play ANY games that require you to take off your clothes.

I mean strip poker and hide the sausage, but that is when they are way older and they had better never play those games in my house. I pray I got my point across. Dear god, can't you just see them in there with the flashlights examining the kid's asshole. Good friggin' grief!!!


Thursday, December 18, 2008

Christmas Shopping With the Lil' Ones

We were shopping at Lowes today. The best place in the world to buy presents for Big Daddy. Ethan and Emily were like flies on shit finding presents for Dad, Steven....not so much. He proceeded to tell me all the stores we would have to shop at until he found just the right gift for Dad. Emily suggested a ceiling fan, which of course was unacceptable. "We already have plenty of those!!!" Steven replied. After I turned down the PS3, at the fourth store, he finally settled on.........well, I can't tell you. Clint does read the stupid shit I write on here sometimes.

Oh a little p.s.
Ethan bought Grandma Claire a snowman that poops candy. When Emily explained that Grandma Claire was too old for the Hannah montana makeup he originally picked out, he moved on to the pooping candy snowman. That kid would not be swayed. Hope she likes it. HEHEHEHE

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Tuesday, December 16, 2008

What's That Guy's name?

We are busy putting up Christmas lights when Steven comes to ask us a few questions. The conversation went like this:

Steven "Uh what's that guy's name? You know God's son..."

Me "You mean Jesus?"

Steven "Ya, him. Is he a zombie?"

Me "Excuse me?"

Steven "Well, he died and then came back, so is he a zombie?"

Me "No, no Jesus is not a zombie"

I am wondering if this is a sign to either get them immediately into bible school or NEVER put them in bible school.

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Sunday, December 14, 2008

Prepare to Pee

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