Poop, Paxil, and Pageantry

Well people, here they are. My official stats for today. Time Smoke-Free: 30 days, 13 hours, 58 seconds Cigarettes NOT smoked: 550 Lifetime Saved: 4 days, 4 hours Money Saved: $129.60 I feel somewhat accomplished.

Poor guy A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathr

Pretty much every morning after Clint has left for work, I am joined in bed by some combination of children. his morning Steven came first. We watched some news and chatted. Then came Ethan. He curled up right behind me. He was so close that I laughed and asked him "think you can get any closer?" Well, he did. He scooted his little body up as far as he could and said "I'm Closer ." Man, sometimes sarcasm is wasted on young people.

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Once upon a time, in a land far far away.......Way back when we didn't have kids and we could act really stupid and sleep it off the next day. I have these pictures that Some friends and I took of Clint. He made the mistake of passing out with three drunks still up and looking for entertainment. We proceeded to paint his toes, put make up on him and just pretty much screw with him. We documented it all on film, much to his dismay. Then there was the New Years Eve a few years back when Clint had a wee bit too much to drink and was rendered paralyzed for a short period of time. Again, several friends and I took this as a great photo opportunity. We now have some lovely photos of my friends and I with a drunken, green Clint. I of course am entirely too lazy to go find said photos, scan them and post them. Which really is fine because the true reason for this post is to state the fact that Ethan really is a chip off the old block. The little darling can fall asleep anywhere, anytime

I do not know if you have ever seen Stephen Lynch , but this guy is so damn funny. He does this song about Dungeons and Dragons . I have of coursed already e-mailed that to my older brother who drew crap on graph paper and had pewter statue guys. I thought I would include a link to his diddy about his close loving relationship with his Grandad. I tried to find the link to another song he does called DOWN TO THE OLD PUB INSTEAD. If you find that one, oh give it a good listen. That is the one that started me on the path of Stephen Lynch .

I know it was probably foolish of me but I was sure I would no longer be writing about poop. All the kids are potty trained, we have no pets. Of course there is still the little detail that we still wipe some asses. Emily is the only child at this point, that we trust to wipe her own ass without using too much toilet paper, having shit on her hands and shit all over the toilet. So the conversation last night began like this: Ethan: "I'm DOOOOOONE " (This is the call for us to get up off our asses and go wipe his butt) Clint: "I'm Coming" Ethan: (upon Clint's arrival to the poop depot) "Wait (grunt,grunt) I need to make one more poop" Clint comes out to the living room to watch TV while he waits for the boy to finish his "business" Ethan: "I'm DOOOOOONE " Clint heads into the bathroom Ethan: "I didn't make just one, I made two more poops." Clint: "Okay" (I mean what exactly are you supposed to say

Before I get to the real meat of this story, I must give a bit of history. Clint got out of the Army and we MOVED to his parents for the few weeks it would take him to find a job now that he had completed his Bachelors degree. After several MONTHS, he accepted a position as a service tech for a company near Springtown, TX (where he is from). We then MOVED into a house we rented from his uncle. After two months, the railroad called. They offered him a job in San Antonio that he would start in two weeks. So we had two weeks to load up and get ourselves and our shit to San Antonio. We were to rent a house from a girl I used to work with back when I had a J O B. So, we loaded up the truck and we MOVED. We got to San Antonio and the house we were to move into (which had been vacant and on the market for something like 8 months) had been broken into and had squatters. So here we are with a moving truck full of our stuff, three kids and no place to live. I panicked for about an hour and then

I know I have some serious issues with TV. I pretty much record everything. I love bad reality TV. I keep this reality genre alive. I was thrilled while feeding my other addiction...the Internet, I found a web site called Pretty On The Outside . This guys art work is so wonderful. I am now an addict of that to....beats cigarettes people....work with me here. You can also find him here. Now, this guy has done some pictures of the stars of one of my favorite shows.......The Housewives Of The OC. Where the hell are their awards? This is some riveting TV. Last night was the season finale and now i sit and wait for the after show next week. Jeanna is my favorite housewife. Her alcoholic husband has left the show after a few seasons and very little interaction. Apparently he did not like the fact that she went from Playmate to a real life woman who puts on a little weight. Then there is the alcoholic, good time, obsessive compulsive Vicky, who I have to admit is one crazy ass entertaining br

Went to a benefit for my friend Christy this past Sunday. She was recently diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma Stage III and has no insurance. She has since applied for assistance through the hospital she is receiving treatment and got it. Thank goodness. She starts her Chemo this week and her bone marrow test came back negative. To me, this means the girl is well on her way to recovery. The benefit was entertaining. I saw tons of people I had not seen in years and it was nice to see so many people come out to make a difference in her life. She is well worth it. My Dad and his wife donated a sizable chunk of money, which was so nice. I have still not smoked and I am really going to m ake it last this time. Now that I realize I am a nicotine addict and can NEVER pick up another cigarette, I think a beak through has been made. It really is not easy, but hey what fun is easy. I watched Oprah yesterday all about quitting smoking and it just solidified my desires to be smoke free. The k

The kids all went shopping for each other this Christmas. Clint and I feel it is important for then to learn the gift of giving. They really did enjoy it and believe it or not, they kept the gifts they bought a secret. Christmas day was full of excitement ad hugs. They were all so excited to give their gifts and also to see what they had gotten. Steven bought Emily some little girl make-up. Now, I use this term loosely because it would seem to me that little girl make-up would consist of light, neutral colors. This is so very far from the truth. Little Girl make-up is also the same make-up the local hookers buy. The bright blues and pinks. It is so awful. Emily, however loved her gift and is frothing at the mouth to put on her make-up every time she plays dress-up. Here are the results of "little girl" cosmetics. Before After Enough said.

1. Free health care 2. The neighbors/ my friends 3. Playmates for the kids 4. The PX...man they had somekick ass sales 5. The Family events on post. What I like about being in San Antonio 1. Close to my Grandmother and Dad 2. Close to my BFF What I liked about Springtown 1. The kids had cousins to play with 2. Clint's family 3. Sticking my arm up a cow's ass 4. Hanging out with Jennifer and Marsha 5. Our huge backyard

What I have NOT heard since quitting smoking. So here it is, about a week into quitting and "Holy ape shit Batman!" I have gotten a severe case of insomnia and am friggin' tired as all get out. Which leads me to explain my new "system" for the kids. When you quit smoking (for those who have never done it) you have a tendancy to get a wee bit on the FRIGGIN" CRANKY SIDE. You have to fight cravings and try not to be a total bitch to the people who are kindly supporting you. So in an attempt not to beat the living hell out of my children I came up with a plan. We are doing a sticker reward system until I can spank them without possibly killing them. So the way the "system' works is as follows: Listen to Mommy the first time she says something and follow the rules and you get a sticker. Do not listen to Mommy and break the rules and I take the sticker away. When you get five stickers (does not seem too hard, but we are talking about two five year old

So here it is, 2008. I am about to shit a brick at just the thought of having graduated high school Almost 16 years ago. I mean, I really do not feel like I am old enough for that. Well, I have some changes I AM making this year. 1. Quit smoking again and for the last time 2. Stay on top of special occasions 3. Start house hunting That is about all I am really willing to commit to. I mean the No smoking is tough enough. One thing I read that totally made sense was......"Do not think you can just smoke one cigarette socially. You are like an alcoholic. You will never be able to socially smoke." That is for sure. I am so glad I have such a good support system because this shit really is super hard.