Thursday, December 01, 2005

Full of Shit!!

So, let me tell you of an exciting night in my life. (I know you thought the poop stories had come to an end....) Emily (God only knows why) decided to take her panties of and just shit on her bedroom floor. Now come on kid, we live in enlisted housing on an Army post. The bathroom is only two friggin' steps away. She figured out she had made a mistake, grabbed a washcloth and tried to clean it up. Well, a three year old is not so bueno at cleaning up slimey masses of foul smelling crud. She proceeded to smear it into the carpet. At this point, her little three year old friend Kaden came down to tell us Emily had poop and that the baby was eating it. I was certain he was mistaken. Emily is potty trained, but dear god, he must have meant Ethan. Oh hell no!!!!! She had smeared it and Ethan was tasting it. What the hell is wrong with my children? I am certain they will be the next Jeffrey Dahmers (that's what Dr. Phil says happens to kids who play with shit).

Now, the poop has been cleaned, the child has been cleaned and it is time to pick up and put them in bed before Mama pulls an Andrea Yates. (Awful reference, I know....Save the lecture for someone who will listen) As I bend over to pick up some blocks, I bump into little friend Kaden. He turns to me in a huff and calls me a shithead. What the hell is this night coming to. All children have turned into shit wielding assholes. I hate them all. Where's the paxil? Fuck that!!! Where's the Xanax?

Okay, I know it sounds a bit harsh, but admit it.....we all feel that way sometimes. It is only illegal if you act on it. Thank god for self control!!!


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